Murder most foul!

Of all the Murders that rock this country, the foulest are the murders of the tongue… Every single day, in every nook & corner of this nation, multitudes of people commit the most sinister of all follies…. The murder of the language they speak… And what is the consequence?… Hindi has been virtually eradicated in the South, English in the North… The West speaks a tongue that is unbeknownst to the rest and the East… Well they talk a wee bit too much in the East…

So if you are to converse in Hindi with a "South Indian" (I mean with a person belonging to one of the 4 southern states, so don't start calling me a North Indian racist), you are more likely to be met with the following 5 letter reply-

"मेरे को हिंदी नहीं आता …."

Only South Indians can tell when and where did the Hindi tongue get its Sex-Change operation… Must have been in the sordid by-lanes of Bangkok… Anyways…

While the South Indians butcher away Hindi, the Biharis aren't far behind…. They have gone global when it comes to murdering languages… They murder the Queen's very own tongue… Shakespeare must be turning in his grave for every syllable uttered by these people….

Where magically becomes Bhere…

You becomes Jhu…

Prepositions end the sentences like Bhat Jhu comes here phor?

Verbs and conjugations have since long lost their importance like… Bhen I was came from the Jungle, the Loin roars me at…. (Its always the Loin that roars... never the Lion)

The Bongs aren't too far behind… they take perverse pleasure in pronouncing both Hindi & English in a Bangla accent…

Savour this-

हामको भोत डड लग डहा था ( हमको बहुत डर लग रहा था )

The Lion doad in the middle of the doad (The Lion roared in the middle of the road)

The Marathis give the rest of Indians a run for their money in emphasizing their love for vowels…

Shiv becomes Shiuu…

Give becomes Giuu….

And the Bhopalis… My… Are they a race apart… They make their vowels long and short as & when they desire…

Black becomes Blake

Cake becomes Cack

snake becomes Snack

Incidentally, in Bhopal, Girls don't get raped… They get wrapped!

All this reminds me of a few lines from the movie "My Fair lady", where Rex Harrison utters these memorable lines-

"Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters
Condemned by every syllable she utters
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue..."'

Now that's not a bad option... Isn't it... :D