A Bossless Existence!

For so many of us, the epitome of a happy and satisfying work life is the absence of the evil, conniving, conspiring and malingering Boss on the work front. Remove the Boss, many would agree, and job satisfaction levels soar. Empirical studies have proven that the absence of a Boss improves employee productivity by as much as 83%. Bosslessness has also been credited with normal blood pressure levels, a general zest for life and a healthy work-life balance. Well, while so many of us dream of a Bossless work life, I, my dear friends, have been living a Bossless life for almost 3 months now… And empirical studies be damned, it is not half as much fun as I thought it would be. 

Lets examine the reasons why it is best to have a Boss, however lame, imbecile and incompetent he may be.

i. The kinds of tasks/jobs done by people at their workplace may be classified into 2 broad categories. 6% of the jobs/tasks are value-adding and intellect-strengthening, 94% of the tasks are Non-Value adding and mind numbing. With a Boss around, Jobs/Tasks get delegated to an Assistant, whose job/task breakup is 64% NVA and 36% VA, while for the Boss, the numbers are 98% NVA, 2% VA. While this inevitably means that the Assistant has to stay behind after normal hours, the chances that he feels mentally-stimulated are far far higher.

ii. Beyond the Boss exists the post of "Big Brother". The "Big Brother" is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. It is the Big Brother's job to get the Boss to deliver. Consequently, the Boss is always at the receiving end of the Big Brother. It inevitably spoils the Boss' mood and some of the feedback received from the "Big Brother" is definitely passed down the line but for 100 units of "feedback" received from the "Big Brother" , 75 units concerns the Boss and thus only 25 units worth of feedback can be blamed on the people down the line. With no Boss around, the number of units of feedback doesn't change, only that all of it now concerns people down the line.

iii. If you look at the time spent by the Boss on the phone, you'll see a pattern. 60% of the time is spent in talking to the "Big Brother", 15% in tackling complaints from other HoDs and 25% in complaints received from people down the line. Now look at the way an Assistant spends his time on the phone. 68% of his time is spent in chatting with his peers in other departments, 12% in answering to his Boss' calls and 20% in miscellaneous work-related matters. Now, remove the Boss and see what happens. A whopping 92% of his time is spent in answering calls from the 'Big Brother' or the other HoDs, 5% in miscellaneous work related matters and a pitiful 3% in chatting with his peers. Isn't it amply clear that job-dissatisfaction is bound to arise!!

iv. Now, carefully examine the nature of mails sent by the Boss and his Assistant. Of 100 mails sent by the Boss, 48 are to Seniors in Head Office, 22 are to subordinates, 10 are explanations to the 'Big Brother' and other 10 are miscellaneous mails on varied subjects such as 'Vision-2050', 'How to develop an effective team', 'How to inculcate leadership' etc. etc.. Now examine the nature of mails sent by the Assistant. Of 100 mails sent by him, 84 are directed to his peers on varied topics such as ' why did Mr. X fart in today's meeting', ' Why person Y continues to be on loggerheads with person W', 'why person Z continues to suck up to his Boss' etc. etc.- Basically indulging in what psychologists call "Social Loafing'. 10 mails are responses to mails sent by his Boss, and 6 mails are miscellaneous, inconsequential mails. The absence of a Boss has a profound impact on the nature of mails sent by the Assistant. Of 100 mails, 50 are responses to questions raised by the 'Big Brother', 30 are explanations to Head Office and almost 20 are 'visionary' mails!!

v. With the Boss around, an Assistant can genuinely expect to leave the Office by 7. After all he only has his Boss to answer to. Without the Boss, an Assistant cannot  safely leave his Office even by 9 30! There is no saying when the 'Big Brother' would summon!

Well, for those of you out there, with a Boss, whether functioning or defunct, whether too brainy or brainless, whether too Bossy or hopeless, I hope this post gives you enough and more reasons to go and thank him for being there, even if that is all that he does!