Rumblings from the tummy

Fat… Plump…. Stout… Overweight… Portly…Flabby… paunchy… Pot Bellied…Corpulent… Obese… 

I was simply meaning to type out all synonyms of the word 'fat'… and even as I was typing them, the realization that all of them apply to moi has dawned on me… Yes… I am fat… I am fatter than I ever was, but sadly not the fattest I shall ever be….And you know what I fear? I fear that I weigh more than a baby elephant!…

10 facts which made me realize that I am fat-

i. I can now balance an entire plate of food on my tummy and gobble it up. Seriously… It saves one the effort of having to reach out for food on the plate… Its right there… Right there on the tummy! (and thats where it will end up anyways!)

ii. My shirt struggles to contain my tummy.. I mean seriously, there are crease marks on the part of the shirt that covers the belly… that is where the fabric has stretched to accommodate the flab!

iii. In addition to the many variants of my name to which my brain is used to responding, it has, on its own, added Fatty… Yes I respond to fatty too.. Even my brain knows I am fat!

iv. Whenever I get off a car, its tyres bounce up a little, as though heaving a sigh of relief!

v. Any object thrown tummy wards tends to bounce off and if thrown properly tends to hit the thrower with force!

vi. The elastic area of the pajama/equivalent waist area of the trousers bends downwards to accommodate my tummy… My belts, too, are showing signs of fatigue against constant force exerted by the stomach!

vii. Plastic chairs make that strange creaking sound when I sit on them (much like the urrgggghhhh made by a dying man in pain)

viii. I need to refill the air in my cycle twice a week… It is pertinent to note that the entire extent of my commute per day does not exceed 2 Kms on any day!

ix. I find it difficult to breathe these days… The space reserved for my lungs is being encroached upon by a tummy which is expanding left , right and center to take whatever space it can take!

x. And I KNOW THAT I AM FAT when the Doctor asks me to step on the scales gently, lest the scales breathe their last in trying to ascertain my weight (which probably is anyway outside their range!)

And you know what… I guess I have gotten used to being Fat… Its like I could repeat the legendary lines uttered by Prof Henry Higgins in 'My Fair Lady'

"I've grown accustomed to her face! She almost makes the day begin! I….. Surely I could always be that way again... And yet... I've grown accustomed to her looks, accustomed to her voice, accustomed... to her... face."

 Only that I would need to replace the she and the her with the more prosaic 'it'!