A Bossless Existence!

For so many of us, the epitome of a happy and satisfying work life is the absence of the evil, conniving, conspiring and malingering Boss on the work front. Remove the Boss, many would agree, and job satisfaction levels soar. Empirical studies have proven that the absence of a Boss improves employee productivity by as much as 83%. Bosslessness has also been credited with normal blood pressure levels, a general zest for life and a healthy work-life balance. Well, while so many of us dream of a Bossless work life, I, my dear friends, have been living a Bossless life for almost 3 months now… And empirical studies be damned, it is not half as much fun as I thought it would be. 

Lets examine the reasons why it is best to have a Boss, however lame, imbecile and incompetent he may be.

i. The kinds of tasks/jobs done by people at their workplace may be classified into 2 broad categories. 6% of the jobs/tasks are value-adding and intellect-strengthening, 94% of the tasks are Non-Value adding and mind numbing. With a Boss around, Jobs/Tasks get delegated to an Assistant, whose job/task breakup is 64% NVA and 36% VA, while for the Boss, the numbers are 98% NVA, 2% VA. While this inevitably means that the Assistant has to stay behind after normal hours, the chances that he feels mentally-stimulated are far far higher.

ii. Beyond the Boss exists the post of "Big Brother". The "Big Brother" is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. It is the Big Brother's job to get the Boss to deliver. Consequently, the Boss is always at the receiving end of the Big Brother. It inevitably spoils the Boss' mood and some of the feedback received from the "Big Brother" is definitely passed down the line but for 100 units of "feedback" received from the "Big Brother" , 75 units concerns the Boss and thus only 25 units worth of feedback can be blamed on the people down the line. With no Boss around, the number of units of feedback doesn't change, only that all of it now concerns people down the line.

iii. If you look at the time spent by the Boss on the phone, you'll see a pattern. 60% of the time is spent in talking to the "Big Brother", 15% in tackling complaints from other HoDs and 25% in complaints received from people down the line. Now look at the way an Assistant spends his time on the phone. 68% of his time is spent in chatting with his peers in other departments, 12% in answering to his Boss' calls and 20% in miscellaneous work-related matters. Now, remove the Boss and see what happens. A whopping 92% of his time is spent in answering calls from the 'Big Brother' or the other HoDs, 5% in miscellaneous work related matters and a pitiful 3% in chatting with his peers. Isn't it amply clear that job-dissatisfaction is bound to arise!!

iv. Now, carefully examine the nature of mails sent by the Boss and his Assistant. Of 100 mails sent by the Boss, 48 are to Seniors in Head Office, 22 are to subordinates, 10 are explanations to the 'Big Brother' and other 10 are miscellaneous mails on varied subjects such as 'Vision-2050', 'How to develop an effective team', 'How to inculcate leadership' etc. etc.. Now examine the nature of mails sent by the Assistant. Of 100 mails sent by him, 84 are directed to his peers on varied topics such as ' why did Mr. X fart in today's meeting', ' Why person Y continues to be on loggerheads with person W', 'why person Z continues to suck up to his Boss' etc. etc.- Basically indulging in what psychologists call "Social Loafing'. 10 mails are responses to mails sent by his Boss, and 6 mails are miscellaneous, inconsequential mails. The absence of a Boss has a profound impact on the nature of mails sent by the Assistant. Of 100 mails, 50 are responses to questions raised by the 'Big Brother', 30 are explanations to Head Office and almost 20 are 'visionary' mails!!

v. With the Boss around, an Assistant can genuinely expect to leave the Office by 7. After all he only has his Boss to answer to. Without the Boss, an Assistant cannot  safely leave his Office even by 9 30! There is no saying when the 'Big Brother' would summon!

Well, for those of you out there, with a Boss, whether functioning or defunct, whether too brainy or brainless, whether too Bossy or hopeless, I hope this post gives you enough and more reasons to go and thank him for being there, even if that is all that he does!

Random Musings!

What if you had no life of your own? Every movement, every thought, every action of yours was determined by someone else. Some one else, who decided what the rules were, what was good, what was bad, what was acceptable and what was not. Any deviation and you knew you'd pay dearly. Imagine that there was no concept of privacy. Everything that you thought, did, dreamt was known to the world. The slightest shift from expected behavior and you'd be condemned for life. Every morning, you'd get up knowing that every mundane detail of your day had been charted out for you and that there was no question of non-adherence. You do everything as directed, mechanically, monotonously as if there was no other way of doing what needed to be done.

Imagine now that you could trust noone. Everyone is suspect. Some, because they firmly believe the philosophy that "to be alone is to be in company of dangerous thoughts" and some because you know they possess dangerous thoughts that could get you into trouble. Imagine that there is an omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient authority that governs your life. Nothing is hidden from it. It could be generous when it wanted to, it could be harsh when it wanted to and it could be murderous if your actions left it with no choice. You lived as long as you were on the right side of this power. One step on the other side and you knew that you would become unnecessary.

There'd be nothing left to decide. Your life would have been scripted for you. You'd be like the actor on the stage who rehearses his part a million times to get it right. There would be no scope for innovation or doing things differently. You do as told and instructed. You live in the constant fear that one day you'd make one wrong move and then you'd be of no use to them. They'd simply terminate your existence.

What would it be like to live like this?

A nation let down... Again!

Its a familiar sight to us now. Charred bodies, blood, screams, mangled vehicles, sirens, police vans, wailing- Terror strikes are something that we have grown accustomed to. There is no point criticizing what happened in Mumbai yesterday, no point in blaming the government, the Intelligence agencies or the Police. We must accept the fact that terror will continue to hit us hard every now and then, with ever increasing frequency and that we are expected to put forth a brave face and live the next day as if the past never happened. No matter if 100s of our countrymen died, if 1000s of our compatriots died, if the heart of this nation is held hostage. We must not crib, we must not complain. We must live, being fully aware that tomorrow could be our turn, after all it is only a matter of time that that carefully hidden bomb finds you instead of that high profile minister.

To offer words of comfort to Mumbai would be like asking Mumbai to shun reality and retreat into a make believe world where the government functions and intelligence works. For a change, lets not deceive ourselves and Mumbaikars anymore. There will be countless such strikes and the blood of thousands more would be spilt. Its an eventuality that we have to learn to live with. And why you ask? Thanks to our own selves that is why! We happen to have voted this imbecile, uncouth, incapable and ill functioning government into power. This government cares more about whether the terror is 'Green' or 'Saffron' rather than what could have been done in advance. It cares more about the fact that Osama was not given a proper burial than about the alarming security situation in the country. It cares more about making money through scams and bribes than making Mumbai a safer place to live in! 

Shri Manmohan Singh & Shrimati Sonia Gandhi better not offer any words of condolence this time around. They better not set foot in Mumbai. We have had enough of this charade. Every terror strike is supposed to be the last, till the next one comes around and finds us as ill-prepared as ever. Indo-Pak amity be damned! When will we be men enough and stand up to the threats that face us and our future? How long will we continue to be the Ostrich that hides its head in the sand? Does this pusillanimity behove the stature of this nation on the world stage? Is it befitting a nation that claims to be the next World Superpower?

Mr. Manmohan Singh, while we know that it is futile for us to expect anything out of you and the lame duck administration you lead, but this might be the only chance for you to prove yourself worthy of the glorious position you hold. For once, Can you not let the nation down?