Turn back time!

In the history of Aashay-years, this year will be known as 'The one with all the travelling'... A quick run through the year that was-

1. January

 Happy New Year 2009 while huddled around a bonfire with a group of friends on a hill overlooking the Diveagar beach

2. February

 The chuttis & the sneak preview of the Goodbye & farewell season that was soon to come

3. March

 Stupid examinations and the fear of flunking in the final semester… Actually I think I came close to that an lot of times

4. April

 Teary farewells… End of an era…Life without the college… All pervading sadness & a sense of apprehension… Kya hoga next??

5. May

And the travelling begins… First on the list: Bhopal, followed by the ultra-awesome Vaishno Devi trip where I realized that climbing up 8 kms can be less painful than riding down 8 kms on a horse… followed by the amazing trip to Sikkim & Darjeeling

6. June

 Travelling continues…Ultra-Royal welcome to ITC… 15 days of luxury at Sonar Bangla, Kolkata… Followed by the First Training Stint at Bangalore

7. July

Feeling of a work life begins to sink in… and let me be frank.. Its not very exciting… First month south of the Vindhyas..

8. August

 Work life continues to drag on… But the arrival of my cousin & his family implies entertainment galore…

9. September

Season of reviews gone horribly wrong… Both at Bangalore & Kolkata… Second stint at Kolkata

10. October

Work life isn’t all that bad… and what do you know… Cigarettes do sell like hot cakes…Trip to Vishakhapatnam & Agartala....Finally become a Phoren Return following the sneaking in of that solitary toe into Bangladesh…

11. November

Back to Munger after summers 2008… Only this time, the shock value is missing…

12. December

 Off to Kolkata and back to Munger…New Year 2010 to be welcomed in Munger!!

Paa... Maa... Tata!

Let me straight the tone of this article straight. Paa is one of the worst movies that I have ever seen... If I were ever to release a list of the worst Hindi movies ever made, Paa would far outrank, such disasters as Ghajini, DevD & even Rakht!...I think of the movie as an experiment gone horribly wrong... After all, a movie about a boy afflicted with a rare disease should have been interesting & different to watch... But No!... the directors of Paa made sure that it was another of those nonsense hindi movies that ruined an awesome concept!

I mean, look at so many Hindi movies, and that is what they do.. They come up with mind blastingly awesome concepts and then ruin them with stupid dialogues, interspersed with idiotic songs & unnecessary pelvic thrusts, known as dancing!... Remember Rock On!?.. It was an awesome idea, and the movie even had brilliant songs but the dialogues... My Gawd!!... Remember Luke Kenny's unforgettable dialogue... "Ye brain tumour mere brain ka ek hissa ban chuka hai"... I mean What the hell is that!...

Remember Ghajini's heroine ( I forget her name) and remember her stupendous theatrical skills??... Every syllable in her dialogue had a matching hand movement, lending the actress a marionette like quality...

And now Paa...

Question no. 1) What in God's name was Jaya Bacchan doing in the beginning of the movie, reading out the names of the charatcters... Did the Bacchans sign a family-pack deal?..If you want the father & the son, then the mother comes at a discounted rate ??

Question no. 2) Which bloody Indian politician has the time to cater to the tantrums of a child?.. Remember Auro refusing to go inside the rashtrapati bhawan becoz usko potty aayi thi!!!... More like the crew couldn't get a permit to shoot inside the Rashtrapati Bhawan!

Question no. 3 ) If a mother knows that her child is sick & sensitive, would she EVER send him away with a stranger to another place??... And if she did, isn't the question "aaj tumne khichdi khaai naa?" a little redundant!...

And to top it all there was the memorable dialogue about "Sperm Lending" that Vidya Balan delivers to AB jr...

All said & done, Vidya Balan looks FANTASTIC in the movie and I think that is the ONLY reason to go see Paa!

And for those, who say that paa wasn't that bad and that I am exaggerating (as usual), I would strongly recommend a movie titled "Lorenzo's Oil" starring Susan Sarandon...

I also managed to see "Rocket Singh" in the last week... It was certainly more entetaining than Paa!!

Engineers Ahoy!

Well, I have always known that I wasn't really great with my technical skills... I mean I knew that my engineering fundaes were shaky at best and only God knows how I passed those horrendous practical exams... But, there has always been the feeling that I could have managed a techincal career... Of COurse I would have to struggle...but then... ho jaata...


Anyways... Thats not the point..An acquaintance called me up yesterday enquiring about the final year project that I had "done" (so to speak) in my final year of Engineering...Now, the strange thing is , I couldn't, though I tried to recollect as hard as I could, remember the project title.It was something to do with Microprocessors... or was it Microwaves... or Micro-minis!!!... By the way, this project was the highlight of my resume till my summers...I still remember going through my final project report before summers began...Awkward, embarrassed and ashamed at the same time, I told the caller that my mind has just blanked out and that the title will come back to me & I will communicate the same... I tried thinking of the project, but my mind refused to accommodate this query.... I tried thinking hard of the group of people I had done my project with... but No... Nothing there as well...

In the meanwhile, a friend of mine called up and I asked him if he remembered the project I had done...Although, he couldn't tell me my project, I was surprised to find out that he at least remembers his... Agitated & Embarrassed at the same time, I decided it was time to regain some pride... So, I generally said that although I couldn't remember the project title, I could clearly see the circuit diagram in front of my eyes...You know... how a little showing-off never hurt anyone... Now, in an ideal world, this should have been the end of the conversation and other better thinbgs should have been brought forth for discussion... Alas!... He chose to ask me what the circuit diagram was...

Brimming with fake confidence, I repiled in my boldest voice... There was this chip in the centre.... IC-814!!!...

That is it... A loud guffaw from the other end made me realize the futility of continuing this conversation any further...All hope at regaining lost ground was lost by the utterance of those syllables.. IC-814!

The sad part is I still don't know what my project was... The good part is that I have been able to track down my team members...I probably will harangue them one of these days to remind myself of "My Project"....2 years of MBA have washed away 4 years of Engineering... And that is not to say that I remember anything that was "learnt" during 2 years of MBA!...

What was the old adage again?...

"Engineers forever"!!

The Night II

On this dark chilly night, the air was unusually still... Branches didn't sway, leaves didn't rustle... The air just hung around, weighed down by some invisible force. A faint mist was descending, and in spite of the mist, it kept getting colder. Not unusually cold, for this time of the year, but, still quite cold.

Most of the people of Haverton Street stayed indoors, cuddled up inside their warm blankets & centrally heated appartments. Only the unlucky strayed on the street at this time of the night. Take Mr. Desmond, for instance, he was returning home, having had a particularly harrowing day. His whole day of begging for a few pences & some morsels of bread had come to nothing. He had given up hope at 9 and ambled along the street to his Soup kitchen, which was as crowded as ever. They served him cold soup, and stale bread, and when he couldn't force anymore down his unwilling throat, he got up & left for his tin-shack, where he presumed, he would spend another cold, sleepless & uncomfortable night.

They said, Mr. Desmond was not always like this. Before the great war, he was the owner of Bull Enterprises, the leading tyre manufacturer in the whole of Britain, one of the richest men in the county, rather many counties. But then came the Nazi blitzkrieg, and the sight of burning rubber and his factory reduced to a heap of burning cinders, drove him insane. He left his home and disappeared. Noone knows where he went. everybody assumed that he'd died of grief. But then, twenty years later, he resurfaced. A babbling, old buffoon, who still believed it was the 40s and that the Nazis were coming. He'd warn passers-by to build bomb-proof shelters. He'd claim to have personally begged Hitler to let go of Haverton Street, but Hitler had refused. When his former neighbours and friends could take no more of him, they left him at a psychiatric clinic, but Mr. Desmond escaped. Since then, every day, he wanders the lanes of Haverton Street, begging for money & food and retires in the night to his tin shack at the end of the street.

But tonight, Mr. Desmond was delayed. He walked slowly, like any other man at his age would. And it was unbearably chilly today. He folded his arms around his waist tightly, but that didn't help either. He continued walking slowly, shivering and hurling curses at God under his breath. Suddenly, the sky lighted up. It was not the kind of light that you'd associate with daylight... It was a weird purple green kind of a light that seemed to emanate from the spot where Bull Enterprises had stood some half a century ago and where presently was a shady garage, where the ruffians (kids who used to throw stones at him and call him names) used to hang around.

Desmond assumed he was 'seeing' things and that his mind was playing games with him. He had gotten used to seeing what others couldn't. Like last week, he saw the angel Gabriel, who had come down from the skies to take him to heaven. He had also seen what Paradise looked like and how it was in hell. But the images would go away as soon as had they had become visible, at the blink of an eye.

Usually, Desmond would shrug off these visions. But this time, curiousity got the better of him. He continued to walk down to that old desolate spot, muttering curses under his breath and swearing he'd skin those ruffians alive. The closer he got to the site, the warmer it seemed to get, so much so, when he was right in front of the garage, he started sweating profusely and had to throw his jacket away.

He stood in front of the Garage door and yelled out as loudly as he could " Timmy... You better not be upto something mischievious, else I will go tell your Mommy"... He repeated twice, but got no reply. He knocked at the door, as all gentlemen in his times used to, but there was no reply again. In the meanwhile, it seemed to be getting warmer by the minute. Desmond felt his throat was going dry, it smelled as though tyres were burning... It seemed to be taking him back in time... back to the good old days... when he was the richest man in town... when he had a retinue of 20 servants to look after him... How the passers by would wish him "good Morning Mr. Desmond", they'd say, and he'd tilt his hat in reply...

But his chain of thoughts was broken... There was a horrible screech that broke the silence of the night... The still air, seemed to have regained its life and started blowing... Dark clouds seemed to be flowing across the sky... Thunder kept punctuating the silence of the night. And then suddenly, there was a huge blast in the middle of the Garage and the door that Desmond had been knocking on, a few minutes ago was blasted off its hinges. Desmond was thrown away by the intensity of the explosion and landed some 10 feet away...

-to be continued-

Munger Diaries Season II: The Pilot

I am a self proclaimed lazy bum... There is nothing more I want from life other than a cosy bed, a fluffy pillow and a nice book to read (I also want money, happiness, and world peace, but that is a different issue altogether)... So, imagine my frustration when I was awakened by a phone call at 9:30 AM on a Sunday morning (It is important to highlight the importance of Sunday, because Saturday is no longer a chutti for me) asking me to come to the cricket pitch, for a cricket match- the second of the season...

Now, I am not the sporty types... I have tried my hand at various sports, and for a fact I know that I SUCK at cricket... I mean... I bowl only wides & no-balls.... I can't see a ball that is aimed at the stumps (explaining the bowlers' high success rates against me)... and I can't differentiate between a ball in the sky and a flying eagle... So, imagine my frustration at being invited for a "CRICKET MATCH" on a sunday morning...

I got up and started getting ready hurriedly, when I got another call saying that I was required to "report" for the football match. "Mini Football tournament" is on in Munger, and the mixed manager-worker teams makes for an interesting play....I had already missed the first match, and I had no intention of being labelled a snoot. Imagine my plight, ladies and gentlemen, as on a Sunday morning, I ran to reach in time for a game that I have never played in my life! People say they have 2 left feet for dancing. Well, I have 2 left feet for dancing and for playing football...

Somehow I survived the agony and prevented myself from getting totally humiliated by following a simple strategy. I ran from one end of the field, shouting & yelling, irrespective of the direction in which the ball was kicked. If the ball was hurled at me, I would look away, and pretend that I was not prepared. All that notwithstanding, the team that I was a part of, won in the "Sudden Death" and hence qualified for the Quarters (inspite of me!)

The one lesson I learnt from this was the fact that sometimes, It is not about the "I". The team didn't mind the fact that I couldn't play... they didn't mind if I couldn't pass correctly...(At least they didn't openly!) and most importantly they seemed happy that I showed interest... Probably, it was worth getting up early for that!

From the field, to the pitch. By now the match was underway, and I was not required to partcipate by playing... In any case, I hung around, enjoying the play and wishing even I could play well!

A couple of rounds of the campus in the evening and an hour of tennis later, my body gave up on me... And so, as I type my Sunday-Exploits, every bone in my body, every muscle,artery & vein aches and hurts & agonizes...

But it was worth it...A Sunday well spent in Monghyr! :D

Itihasnaama I: The fall of Kabul

In 1978, as the world watched with dismay, Soviet tanks rolled into Afghanistan, effectively shattering the uneasy peace that had prevailed between the the 2 superpowers since the Cuban Missile Crisis of '62. As President Carter raved and ranted, The Soviets and their Aghan proteges quietly set up a commusit government in one of the most fervently religious nation of the world. The Opposition to the So-called Soviet "Invasion" was initailly muted, at least in Afghanistan, where the masses longed for a durable government that could resolve their problems. The West in the meanwhile had raised its hackles. The quiet and amiable Carter was replaced byu a hwakish, almost dogmatic Reagan, who pledged to stop at nothing, but the destruction of this Evil Empire. The 1980 Moscow Olympics were reduced to a Non-NATO Olympics, with most of US allies choosing to boycott the games. In the meanwhile, the Soviet forces continued to entrench themselves in Afghanistan.

The Soviets had understood the Afghan Occupation as a brief event that would not exceed a couple of years at the most. However, the Communist regime in Kabul failed to win the hearts and minds of the people, most of whom lived in the interior and were too religious to concur with the blasphemous mutterings of the Kabul government. This meant that the government at Kabul was reduced to being a Kabul government only, its writ ran nowhere outside Kabul and a few other important cities. Its land re-distribution scheme (the cornerstone of any Communist regime) ran into stiff resistance. Its liberal attitude towards women was deemed Un-Islamic by the mullahs, and its over-dependence on Moscow meant that it could never give an appearnce of a sovereign administration.

Thousands and Thousands of Afghans poured into Pakistan to flee the Communists. Overnight, Pakistan was transformed from "A state on India's western border" to a "Frontline State in the War against the Soviets". The feverishly religious President Zia helped finance an assortment of Masjids and rabid Mullahs who spewed Venom against the Godless Soviets. American money and strategy only helped the cause. By the beginning of the 80s, a small contingent of Soviet-hating Afghans, empowered by their faith in Allah and American Weaponry were ready to the take the Infidel in Afghanistan itself.

The Mujhaheddin strategy of Guerrila Warfare against a more numerous and a more militarily endowed enemy worked wonders. It bled the Soviets, hampered the Soldiers' morale and introduced the fear of death in the otherwise invincible Soviet forces. Armed with Bazookas and Rocket Launchers, Soviet military Convoys snaking through the desolate Afghan landscape became an easy taget for the so-called "Afghan Resistance". The Soviets hit back whenever they could, with dazzling accuracy, but these successes were far too few and too rare to be of of any help. Gradually, the Soviets abandoned the countryside, prefering instead to hold on to the fortified Towns & Provincial Capitals, thereby spawning a series of Warlords who ruled the countryside like dictators. The Warlords fought the Soviets in the day and each other in the night, but with the American Dollar tap running un-hindered, they could manage just fine..

By the mid-80s, The Soviets had come to realize that Afganistan was their Vietnam, and began deivising plans to extricate themselves from the mess they were in... however, Afghanistan had by now become a QUicksand, with multiple personalities, multiple parties and multiple interests.The more the Soviets tried to withdraw, the more they found themselves sinking in. The Mujhaheddin continued to expand and the Soviets continued to retreat. By 1987, with Gorabchev at the helm in Moscow and the suave, more pragmatic Najibullah clinging on to power in kabul, a deal was reached. The Soviets would withdraw from Afghanistan and the Afghan people would be free to decide their destiny. That destiny was in fact being scripted with American Dollars in Pakistan. The Pak-Sponsored Mujhaheddin , loyal to Islamabad's cause would form the next government in kabul. Shady characters such as Gulbuddin Hekamtiyar, Col. Abdul Rasheed Dostum etc etc. came to form the centre of the New-Afghan Politics. This, combined with the general disinterest in Afghanistan with the fall of the Soviet Union, meant that the general condition of the Afghan people became dire.

The daily in-fighting in Mujhaheddin government, street fights and the general chaos and lawlessness gave birth to a disciplined army of Islamists, calling themselves the Taliban. They were completely devoted to the cause of Islam and despised the anrachy and lawlessness that the Mujhaheddin had wrought upon the Afghan state. Like the Mujhaheddin, they had fought the Soviets with American arms and weaponry, but unlike them, they had not yet been polluted by power. In 1996, the citizens of Kabul came out dancing in the streets to welcome the Taliban. Soon, they set out to right the wrongs of the past. Najibullah was hanged, Soviet-loyalists were either killed or put behind bars. Kabul's liberalism didn't go down too well with the Taliban. Off went the women inside their homes and on came the beards. The Taliban ruled with an iron-fist for almost 5 years, till the time they decided to take on their creators-The US.

Afghanistan is probably the only country in the world that has fought both the superpowers. They succeeded in humbling the Soviets, and if the current situation is anything to go by, Americans may very well be the next.

Amar Sonar Mamta Di!

So far my stay in the city of joy has been quite uneventful... The induction seems to be dragging on and the initial euphoria related to market visits and observing sales has been replaced by a sense of monotony...However, everything changed on the evening of the 18th of October. When I was leaving the guest house to board my flight that day, little did I know, I was unwittingly landing up in a never-happened to me before adventure, an adventure, that left me gasping for breath in the end.

It all began on the evening of the 18th, I returned early from office to pack up my stuff and leave for the airport straightaway. The original plan went thus-

1. Leave office at 3:45
2. Reach Guest House by 4
3. Pack, Relax, Sleep, Eat till 5:30
4. Leave for airport at 5:30
5. Stop at Ulta Danga wala Haldiram to shop for sweets
6. Reach airport by 7-7:15
7. Board the 7 50 flight and reach Dilli by 10
However, as my luck and Mamta Di would have it, that was not meant to be. Here is the sequence of events that happened that left me shivering and shuddering!!
1. Left Office at 3 30, reached guest house at 3:45
2. Decided to shop for sweets at Garihat itself (Had been bored sick of cribbing about Haldiram sweets, which incidentally are available anywhere in the country)
3. Returned to Guesthouse by 4:30
4. Packed and left the Guesthouse at 5:15 to pick up sweets from Haldiram only
5. At 5:30, the taxi comes to a grinding halt at a place around 3 kms from the Guesthouse, I don't even bother looking outside, assuming that it is an evening trafiic jam
6. 5 minutes later, as curiousity gets the better of me, I realize that its a "Chokka Jam" by Mamtadi, who is (as usual) prtesting about something
7. Its almost 6 now, when the whole picture becomes clear... Mamta Di, in her infinite wisdom, has decided to blockade all routes to and from airport and Howrah station. So, there is NO detour possible. My driver makes it a point to tell me " Agar aapki kismat acchi hogi toh aapko flight mil jayegi"
8. Nervous, I call up IndiGo people, planning to get the ticket cancelled and book an early morning flight, however, cancellatiojns shut 2 hours before departure, so I would end up losing money anyway!!
9. At 6:20 ,As I fret and fidget inside my car, I realize that something drastic needs to be done, if I am to have a chance of making it to the airport in time.
10. I take my luggage, and Off I am... Walking amidst the traffic... I would have walked some 2-3 kilometers, when I flagged down a rikshaw who drops me another2 kms ahead. By now, it is 6:50, 1 hour for my flight. I am now, around 30 mins away from the airport.
11. At this time, the traffic suddenly starts moving, someone in that perambulating mass of humanity yells that the Chokka Jam has been lifted. I flag down a taxi, and soon we are away!
12. Not for long though, 10 mins into the taxi ride and the Taxi comes to a grinding halt, once more. Now the Chokka Jam has been replaced by Traffic Jam, as all cabs try to jostle with each other in their rush to reach the airport.
13. At 7:20, we start again, taking the longer New Rajarhat route, which would be traffic free. It is a fast drive indeed, and as I start to settle down to the idea, that i will make it, the car stops once more. It is 7:30 now and we are hardly 10 minutes drive away from the airport.
14. As far as the eye can see, there are vehicles, of every type and colour with people inside them fretting and worrying, the drivers honking incessantly and peeping out of their windows to inform their passengers that it will be a while before they can "make a move"
15. Desperate, I call up IndiGo people again, begging them to "Hold the flight". Thankfully, I am informed that the flight will take off 10 mins later. That gives me a total of 20 mins to reach the airport.
16. The traffic crawls at a snail's pace. The whole plan of buying sweets has since long been abandoned. I am sitting in the car, praying, seating... Just hoping to make it in time, somehow.... Diwali away from home is not my idea of fun....
17. the car moves, slowly.... but steadily and I am at the airport at 7:55! My baggage is not checked and the boarding pass is issued in a matter of seconds...I am rushed to the security check, where I deposit my cell and my laptop in that dabba
18. By the time I am through with the check and go to reclaim my belongings, I realize that my cell is missing... someone else has picked it up (willfully most probably)...
19. I am now totally depressed... this is like the worst trip in the history of bad trips... I keep calling my no. (which I don't remember, so I had to first ask my folks what my number was!) which doesn't get answered...
20. Cursing, swearing and hating myself, I board the plane, dump my luggage, when I suddenly hear an old gentleman tellling someone over the phone that he has taken someone else's phone... I rush to him and ask him to hand my phone over... It turns out that he has returned the phone to the Ground team...
21. I rush out of the plane, with the Air Hostess trying to block me (the first time ever that I have elbowed an air hostess!) screaming "My phone"... " My phone"... Snatch it out of a ground crew member who is standing some distance away.... Flash my photo in front of him because he refused to buy the argumen that it indeed was my phone... and rush back into the plane!...
I am off the ground in 2 minutes!

Cattle Crass!!!

Mr. Tharoor's sarcastic description of the millions of Economy class travellers may have ruffled quite a few feathers in the Congress Party, but I, for one, totally support this "creative" description of the "Toiling Masses", that the now disgraced Mr. Tharoor ascribes to some Journalist... Take for example this case... I flew to Kolkata the day before in Early Morning Indigo Flight from Bangalore... Thanks to a particularly inefficient Security Check, I was one of the last few to board the flight, which by that time was obviously full.... One look at those tired, haggled masses, with bloodshot eyes suddenly awakened me to the concept concocted by that Journalist and made famous by Mr. Tharoor's tweet...

We all are after all Cattle Class aren't we?... I mean, even Cattle get worshipped in this Country, but the Cattle Class aren't even that lucky!... The closest comparison that I can draw with the scene in the flight is with Cattle (once again!) who are herded into a truck to be sent to the Slaughter house... This would be an apt example, because, with the rising number of Near Death Experiences that Air-travellers have these days, Aeroplanes have become a kind of Pseudo-Slaughterhouses....One will certainly have to credit Mr. Tharoor with enlightening the Masses with such a revolutionary concept and making them realize the futile existence they lead... God willing, The Cattle Class, inspired by this Crass remark will do something about their pointless, painful Continuation on the face of this planet!!

I am currently in the "City of Joy" for my next stint, And it is Joy Galore indeed... I could not have been there at a more opportune moment..It is the height of all festivities with the Pujo.. and then Diwali...Having been to Kolkata on earlier occasions, This was one city that I thought would fit best with the "Cattle Class" description...But its a completely new city now... Colourful... Excited... Cheerful... Those who've not seen Kolkata during Pujo have actually not seen the city!!

Anyways... Shubho Bijoyadashami!!

What a pickle!

A Pertinent Question: If I am dreaming of cigarette production indices in my sleep, trying to memorize obscure numbers of workmen when I am awake, and if my day is spent in running from one machine operator to the other in trying to understand the nature of their jobs, does that mean that my work life has finally taken over whatever other life, howsoever uninteresting & mundane, that I had???

This phase of my life (as also my training) is called Fighting for Survival... As I sprint from one Review to the other, disappointing the evaluators and just barely managing to scrape through, I wonder, Shouldn't Work be a bit more fun... I know the answer to that question is that this thought never occurred in the last 2 months, when work was less and time pass more, but still....I think its a little unfair to expect a poor chap like me to remember all the obscure operations of the factory... Add to it the projects....Expectations run very high among the assessors, but there never is an attempt to understand the constraints...And the allegations! How they make my blood curdle!

Anyways.... With all the effort that is going into work these days, has meant working hours extended beyond the usual 6'o clock.... Hungry and tired, I stay in the factory, till late in night, trying to figure out some mystical production technology that has so far eluded my understanding.... A positive side effect of this may be some weight loss, however slight... That at least would be something to cheer about in this otherwise gloomy phase...

Life's like that :)

How the mighty have fallen!

I believe it is safe to declare that the Bhartiya Janata Party is no more. And with this has come to an end an era of the might of the right!....Love it or Hate it, you'd have to agree that the BJP was the only viable alternative to Congressraj and in its heydays, it gave the Congress quite a run for its money. From 1996, when Vajpayee was chosen to lead the first Non-Congress government till 2004, when shockingly it failed to return to power, BJP symbolized a union of nationalism, middle class aspirations and regional sentiments. Until 1999, nobody believed that a khichdi sarkar propped up with the support of regional parties could ever last in this country, the fact that the NDA lasted its full term, prompted alliance-averse parties like the Congress to seek partners, ultimately using BJP's own tactics to humble it.

For many, BJP represented an entire generation brought up on Anti-Congresseism. From Indira Gandhi's witless emergency to Rajiv's multi-million Bofors Scam. In those days many believed that half of India's woes would end if only Congress could be thrown out of power. After all, what had Congress delivered to the people in 50 years?- Poverty, Illiteracy and Corruption!! However, the alternatives to Congress were not easy to come by. The khichdi Janata Party Sarkar was probably the worst example of a non-Congress dispensation. As its ministers squabbled amongst themselves, the much despised Indira Gandhi re-emerged as Bharat ki beti and swept the carpet under Janata's feet by returning to power. Even the most optimistic of Congress bashers acceded that there could be no India without Congress. The National Front governments led by Chadrashekhar & VP Singh were hardly better. They ensured the return of Congress government, in spite of the Sri Lanka fiasco, The Punjab militancy and the Bofors scandal.

Those who allege that BJP could not have become a mass party without its militant Ram Janmabhoomi Aandolan are not completely without reason. In 1984, BJP held 2 seats in the Lok Sabha, by 1991, it controlled 120 seats. However, the fact is that BJP rode to power not on the backs of Kar Sevaks but inspite of them. Middle Class India abhors miltant communalism and yet they voted for BJP en masse in 1996. For them, BJP symbolized change, a break from the past that they were willing to forget. 2 years later, BJP emerged as the champion of middle classes and liberalization and formed the first stable non-congress regime at the centre. Pokhran, Relations with the US, Kargil, IT Boom, Bharat Uday are all souvenirs of that era.

And look how today the mighty have fallen... Leaders squabbling among themselves, Accusations flying everywhere, Veterans being forced to quit.... BJP today is as bereft of ideology as was Congress under Sitaram Kesari...As mother RSS dithers and watches its own creation tear itself apart, one can only wonder if BJP will ever recover!

Kaisi Paheli Zindagani!

Its been almost a month and a half since I set foot in namma Bengalooru. Since then I have been lootoed by Nokia, Reebok & Sony. This article, my dear friends, is the Dastaan-e-Sad Life...

Act 1- Guy gets his first salary... He is super excited... He sees a Nokia 5800 Touchphone ad on TV... He knows this is what he wants from his first salary... Super excited and in a hurry, He ends up at a Tata Croma... Has a look at the phone... and he knows this is it!... To hell with the price... This is FIRST SALARY also known as Splurging entitlement... He buys the phone... He calls up people... Tells them about his biiig Splurge... He is super-proud of his latest possession... He shows it around.. Always keeps it in a case... and deliberately keeps it on LOUD mode in office,hoping that someone would comment on its superb sound quality.... Just when he thought life is awesome, Tragedy strikes... The Lords of Horizons decide that it is time to bring this fellow back on ground... The Touch system fails...The phone is reduced to a dabba... The guy is embarrassed...He can't possibly tell people that his HUGE boasts about the phone have fallen flat... He calls up the service center... and there goes his sweet possession...Never to be the same again!!!.....The 'Sukh', so to speak, of his GRAND SPLURGE lasts a total of 7 days!

Act 2- Guy decides to purchase new shoes... He goes to a Reebok outlet and picks the best of the lot, thinking that since the first splurge doesn't technically count as it didn't reap the desired 'Sukh'....He shows off his new shoes at the office, on the shop floor and is ready to put his best foot forward,literally!! Once again, the Lords of the Horizon deem it fit to teach this fellow a lesson, since, clearly, he hasn't learnt enough from the past!... One fine day, while walking in the factory, the shoe tears apart at the seam, leaving his foot more or less visible... He calls up the service center!... And there goes his latest crush!.... For a total of 7 days!!!...

Act 3- Just when the guy issued an embargo on any further purchases, tragedy struck once more... His beloved Sony MP3 player, that had been functioning perfectly for months and months, passed away... Suddenly... Out of the blue... All that rests with him is the corpse of a device that was the source of music in the absence of the phone!!! And there goes the former love of his life!!.... Dropping dead... Leaving him in the middle of nowhere...

Anyways, So thats more or less how I spend my weekends these days... Going from service center to service center... Cajoling them, Yelling at them, threatening them that they'll see me next in Consumer Court!

Ain't life a bitch!!! :D

Tales from the Crypt I - The Boss

It is an event as rare as the blue moon

I fear to talk about it lest I jinx it so soon
Ah! for days on end I have waited for this
The boss is on a leave, & life is suddenly a bliss...

For hours today, I have played the part of a judge
Hearing the case of butt Vs chair cushion, the day is spent as such
After hearing carefully, the opinions of the warring sides (i.e. the butt & the cushion)
I conclude that it is best that the two unite...

But the boss, alas, he always chooses to differ
He believes that the two should be kept away from each other
Hence, I have been reduced to, in the last few days
To the status of a nomad, wandering from place to place...

The boss loves to drop in every now and then
To remind us that that there have been better men
who've dazzled him with their work and devotion
And that my intelligence is just a false notion...

And then there are the dreaded reviews
And my responses to his questions always end up melting his fuse
He is torn apart whether to laugh or to cry
I am sure, he'll put all this in the appraisal on the sly...

He wonders aloud how the future will be
When nincompoops like me start running companies
Ultimately, he gives up and says
Get lost and don't show me your face...

My North Indian Dosas!

Its been a total of  15 days South of the Vindhyas in Bengalooru and already I am missing the life up North... Apparently, everything that is done in the North is a subject of ridicule in the South... Take for instance, the diet!.... Apparently, South Indians are befuddled at the way we eat our daal and rotis... They are at a complete loss to understand how can the North Indians eat the same daal and roti 24*7*365... Its like some weird reversal of the jokes that do the rounds in the North... You know... Like the way they eat chawal with rassam... you know... with the slurps and the rassam dripping on to the arms and stuff... Another joke would be the Tamil translation for Spoon... I believe one research that has been going on for 36 years has yet to yield a result....


For, In the South, They pride themselves on their Sambhars ( I have been told there are some 20 varieties of it) and Rassams... and Dosas.... And these Dosas are not the counterfeit North Indian Dosas... You know... Like Paneer Dosa (Which is delicious).... and Mysore Dosa (Which apparently is a fake).... and millions of other Dosas that endear us in the North to the Southern Gastronomy....

With 15 days of Dosas and Idlis and Sambhars behind me... All I wanna say is that I like the South as it is in the North... You know... with the fakes and the counterfeits... and Dosas prepared in Punjabi style....

Long live the great divide...

C'est la vie!

Almost 10 days into Sonar Bangla and one thing is clear... I really don't mind a life like this... but I wouldn't want to work hard and achieve it.... I think this is the way life should be... Someone else should be always working hard so that you may have a comfortable life.... I mean, to live like a king is easy only if you don't have to work like one.... Consider these stats-

1. Being put up in a luxurious 7 star hotel with valets and housekeepers and receptionists falling head over heels to ensure that you are most comfortable...
2. The meals are exotic dishes whose names it is impossible to recollect.... I mean, the fruit juices are so fresh and pure that you just can't have one...
3. The bath tub is a luxury that comes complimentary with bubble bath....and I don't know why people like it so much, all that I can say is that watching TV while in bath is a wholly different experience...
4. I have never seen a more instant(er) way of weight reduction than the Sauna.... I can vouch for the fact that you lose almost half a kilo and the loss maintains itself till the next meal...
5. Being in AC 24*7 means that even the barest minimum of outside weather can make you sweat like a pig!

Now that I am done bragging about the "Experience" @ Sonar Bangla, here is the flip side....-

1. I just can't get it how people pick up stuff using forks and weid shaped spoons... I mean I keep dropping it on the buffet table all the time... and after the third successive failed attempt, just drop my head and am forced to move on to the next item...
2. I have been wondering if its cheap to ask for another drink ( I mean fruit juice and milk shakes) when you aren't done with the first?
3. How does one eat all this food without using one's hands? I mean the forks and knives just dont have the same impact... Plus, if you eat with hands, you can savour the food for a longer time!
4. Being in AC 24*7 means that the kidneys function overtime....This translates into forced march outs in the middle of lectures, much to the chagrin of the instructors, most of whom are very senior managers...
5. There is this sinking feeling I get when I try to sleep, may be its just that the bed is too fluffy, or that I am just too fat... And I don't rerally like to hoist myself out of the bed, which is what I am forced to do!!!

So, in conclusion, I am all for luxurious life and royal treatment... But I don't suppose the whole idea opf having to slog for it excites me much....

R.I.P

It seems (sadly!) that my fling with rural Bihar is not over.... If indications are anything to go by, I am quite certain that I would end up in the land where time stands still yet people age rapidly.... Yep!... Munger it just might be again!....

Anyways, In order to prepare myself for such an eventuality (or is it catastrophe?), I have drawn up a  list of reasons that may result in Munger becoming my final resting ground

1.) An angry worker upset at moi for trying to teach him to converse in English/ French (Those of you who know me would agree that I tend to do that.... A LOT!!!)....

2.) A workers' mob angry at Raj Thackrey/ Uddhav Thackrey for bashing up a couple of more of the workers' fellow statemates would mete out the same treatment to moi after realizing that I come from Thackreyland!

3.) A typical Mungeri 'Wet' party might result in (it almost did during summers) me being thrown in front of a Real Live dog which would be unleashed subsequently....While those who are drunk would enjoy the scene I would die of bite injuries and  even before that probably of cardiac arrest!...

4.) A typical Mungeri "Workers' " party might result in a drunken drive on the banks of the Ganges.... The car would probably spin out of control and I would get a 'River burial'

5.) There are a lot of dogs on the route between the factory and the township... These dogs (as far as I experienced during summers) go berserk during the night....a dog-fearing man like myself might have to walk back from the factory an ungodly hours.... I shudder to think what would happen

6.)Munger lies in the Naxal Zone... Period!

Finally, all I want to say is that it was nice knowing you.... Adieu!

(P.S- This doesn't mean that the blog is dead... )

Votenama

Well, the last of the votes have been counted and the verdict is crisp and clear... It is a resounding win for the Congress led United Progressive Alliance and a severe drubbing for the BJP led NDA and the Communist led Thrid Front....The farcical rag tag alliance of foes turned friends calling themselves the Fourth Front has been eliminated as a politically relevant force. So, as the Political Parties count their gains and mourn their losses, here is a why's why of who won/lost where and how-

1.) The electorate has overwhelmingly voted to retain a Centrist Alliance that represents the needs and the aspirations of this diverse nation the best. The Congress with a 200+ tally has received a resounding verdict for governance from the nation

2.) The NDA with Narendra Modi as its PM in waiting and the Mandir Idol LK Advani as the PM has been completely decimated. This is BJP's worst showing in the Lok Sabha since 1991 when it won 120 seats. Varun Baba's 'Chopping hands' speech may have helped the BJP retain Pilibhit but has certainly cost them dearly.

3.) Nitish Kumar's JD(U) has razed Laloo's Caste Castle in Bihar. Laloo finds himself Politically irrelevant in the 15th Lok Sabha. Even more surprising is the fate of Bihar Strongman Ram Vilas Paswan who lost his own seat and who unlike Laloo did not contest from another seat.

4.) Amma's belated sympathy with Lankan Tamils did not endear the electorate to her. DMK has retained its grip over Tamil Nadu.

5.) MamtaDi has emerged as the CommieKiller. The Left finds its Red bastion in Bengal in shambles.The Mahajot has finally trounced the sickle and the hammer. The left has the lowest ever tally in the Lok Sabha!...

6.) Even Royalty in the form of Vasundhara Raje couldn't save the BJP from the drubbing it has received at the hands of the resurgent Congress.

7.) Chiru, KSR and Chandrababu troika only helped the Congress retain power in AP and contribute to its Lok Sabha Kitty.

8.) The Shankh has been sounded in Orissa where the victorious BJD has returned to power stronger than even before. The myth of BJP-RSS power in that state has been shattered. BJP even lost Kandhamal, where the anti Christian riots were supposed to have resulted in a Hindutva Wave

9.) Delhi has once again been swept by the Congress inspite of BJP fielding several strong candidates. BJP finds itself challenged in even its strongholds in the city.

10.) And yes, the electorate has stated clearly that Caste Politics can only take one so far.... Behenji's dreams to become India's next PM or at least the King Maker proved as illusory as Advani's dream to lead the nation!

Political Melodies...

What the Election Commission is telling the voters

Aaja ve mahi tera rasta ho dekhdiya
Dar se hatti nahin nazar aaja
Aaja dil ki pukar par aaja
Der karna teri aadat thi sahi
Der se hi sahi magar aaja
Aaja ve mahi tera rasta ho dekhdiyan



What the Election Commission is telling the Politicians-

Sajan re jhooth mat bolo
Khuda ke paas jana hai
Naa Haathi hai
Naa ghoda hai
Wahan paidal hi jaana hai


What are the politicians telling the voters-

O... Naa Jaa Mere baadshah
Ek waade ke liye
Ek waada todkar
Khuda ka tujhe wasta
Lautakar Aanaa Teraa
Dekhungi Main Raastaa


What are the voters singing-

Arrey jhoot Bole Kauva Kaate,
Kaale Kauve Se Darriyo
Main Maike Chali Jaaoongi,
Tum Dekhte Rahiyo


What are the voters who are planning to exercise 49 (O) saying-

Accha silaa diya tuney mere pyaar ka
Ho... Accha Silaa diya tuney mere pyaar ka
Yaar ne hi loot liya ghar yaar ka....
Mere Pyaar Wale Sabhi Phool Murjhaaye
Kaante Hi Khizaon Wale Mere Hisse Aa gaye
Raas Na Aaya Mujhe Sapna Bahaar Ka
Yaar Ne Hi Loot Liya Ghar Yaar Ka


What the EVMs are saying-

Honthon mein aisi baat main dabaake chali aayi
Khul jaye wohi baat to duhaayi hai duhaayi
Haan re haan,
baat jismein pyaar to hai,
zaher bhi hai
Haan....

The Preamble

WE, THE POLITICIANS OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a FEUDAL PAROCHIAL COMMUNAL LAWLESS FIEFDOM and to secure to all its citizens:

OPPRESSION, social, economic and political;
RESTRICTION of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
DISCRIMINTAION in status and in opportunity;
and to promote among them all
DIFFERENCES assuring the primacy of the political class over the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this tenth day of May, 2009, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.

The ABC of Indian Politics..

A	Akhand Bharat	The Saffron Concept of reuniting all of Indian Subcontinent under Hindu rule
	Amma	Amma who has made many a seasoned politician cry rivers of blood and agony…Madras ki Rani Amma
B	Behenji	Refers to the PM hopeful and the self-proclaimed ‘Messiah’ of the oppressed
C	Chanakya	His treatise which expounds on many Machiavellian concepts has been shamelessly exploited by our politicians
D	Dravidian Politics	Refers to Parties that are more concerned about what happens in Sri Lanka than in their own states
E	EVMs	The state of the art Electronic Voting Machines that make our Election system ‘Oh-so cool’
F	Fire Arms	Their sales rises exponentially during the election season thanks to the extra demand from UP, Bihar etc.
G	Godhra	The latest riots related case which is expected to remain a poll-issue for at least a century
	Gandhi	The dynasty which has claimed all rights to govern this nation till perpetuity
H	Hindutva	The raison d’ etre of the saffron block... The Indian version of supremacy
I	Indecision	The biggest strength of any Indian Politician… Postpone till tomorrow what thou must do today... as the old adage goes
J	Jantantra	The tantra is horribly flawed and the jan are disillusioned
K	Kalyan Singh	Hindutva Poster Boy, now hell bent on digging BJP’s grave
L	Laloo	Hum keh raha hoon… Agla PM toh hum hi banega
M	Mamtadi	The sorrow of Bengal
N	Narendra Modi	The butcher of Gujarat...Opposition’s envy, BJP’s pride!
O	Omar Abdullah	The suave 3rd Generation leader of Kashmir’s first family… Another of those Youth Leaders
P	Pilibhit	Place that witnessed Varun Gandhi’s claim to fame speech
Q	Qaid-e-Azam	Almost caused L K Advani’s downfall…Almost!
R	Rahul Gandhi	India’s most eligible Bachelor… The PM in waiting
S	Sonia Gandhi	The Italy born, Indian bahu
T	Terrorism	The biggest threat to India and Indianness
U	UPA	(Dis)United (Anti)Progressive (Mes)alliance
V	Vote	Something that most Indians refrain from doing
W	West Bengal	The only planet where a breed called Communists thrive
X	Xenophobia	Refers to the policies of Parties such as MNS and Shiv Sena that make Indians foreigners in their own country!
Y	Yaadasht	Something that all Politicians lack… Once elected all promises are forgotten is the case in point
Z	Zillions	Of Public Money that goes down the drain in the exercise called elections…