Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Yet another Bossless existence




Yes, you got that right. I find myself in the same boss less position that I was a little over a year ago. The lords in the heavens above have once again deprived me of a caring, understanding boss, with the result that I am left alone to fend for myself. There is one difference from the boss less existence that I am leading now and the bossless existence that I had endured last year. Last year, my boss less existence won me pity and sympathy from all quarters. This year's boss less existence has only earned me a pointed question- Why does this keep happening to you? Some friends, have been less than diplomatic in telling me that "तुम फिर से अपने बॉस को खा गए?" I would have considered this as a friendly banter, had this question been raised only once or twice, but the fact that almost everyone has been asking me the same question means that I am forced to introspect. How is it that any boss who has worked with me for more than 2 months has inevitably abandoned me! 

The following 2 theories are running in my mind to explain this strange co-incidence-

1. My bosses are amazed at my sheer talents and abilities and realize the worthlessness of their positions as my boss. Since they don't get enough opportunities to practice and hone their  bossing skills, they move on to careers where their are better opportunities to improve their bossing-skills.  They move on, not because I am unbearable or something, but as I mentioned earlier, simply because they don't get enough self-developmental opportunities.

While this is the theory that I subscribe to, I can already see my ex-bosses guffawing and rofling! 

2. My bosses are amazed (once again) at my sheer stupidities and realize the worthlessness of their positions as my boss. Since they realize that their performance for the year will inevitably get <beeped>, thanks in no small part to me, they decide to move on to better careers, simply to ensure that they stay employable in the job market and that their standing in the market is not sullied. They move on, to put it simply, because I am a hopeless case! 

While this is the theory that all my ex-bosses subscribe to, I would like to firmly reject all such insinuations!

Irrespective of what is really the reason behind my bosses orphaning me, I would, for once and for all, want to rid myself of this "बॉस- खाऊ " tag. I would want to loudly announce that a hard(ly) working, (in)sincere and (un)intelligent subordinate is available in the market. All he wants is a boss who will work hard, not complain, not demand and not yell! Hence, on this day, I take a भीष्म प्रतिज्ञा that I shall do whatever it takes to retain a boss and redeem myself in this corporate world! 

Incidentally, this is my 150th post! :) 

Monday, December 24, 2012

ठीक नहीं है प्रधानमंत्रीजी


पल पल है भारी जो विपदा है आई 
  • देश की राजधानी में लड़कियों का घर से बाहर निकलने में खौफ खाना 
  • आपकी पुलिस का निहत्थे प्रदर्शनकारियों पर लाठियां बरसाना 
  • राष्ट्रीय दामाद को ज़मीन कौड़ियों के दाम पर मिल जाना 
  • 2-G स्पेक्ट्रम में देश के करोड़ों रुपयें गबन होना 
  • लोकपाल बिल का ओछी राजनीती का शिकार बन जाना 
  • आपके गृह मंत्री का आतंकवादियों के सरगना हाफिज़ सईद को 'श्री' की उपाधि देना 
  • FDI  के नाम पर विदेशी ताकतों के सामने झुक कर देश के हितों को बेच देना 
  • गरीबों को मासिक 600 रुपैये में परिवार चलाने को कहना  
  • आप ही के देश में आ कर रहमान मलिक का 26/11 और बाबरी मस्जिद की तुलना करना 
  • देश की सुदृढ़ अर्थव्यवस्था का चौपट होने वाला हाल होना 

और देश के किये इससे ज्यादा विडम्बना की बात क्या हो सकती है  कि आप जैसा सुशिक्षित टेक्नोक्रैट अपनी आँखें मूंदें, ध्रुतराष्ट्र बना बैठा है। आप तो उस नीरो समान हैं, जो, जब रोम जल रहा था, तब वह बांसुरी बजा रहा था। प्रधानमंत्रीजी, अभी भी समय है,  और देश का बेडा गर्क होने से रोकिये, वरना भविष्य आपको कभी माफ़ नहीं करेगा।  

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

End of the world



You see that bright, shiny object near the horizon? Yes, the one that seems to have grown bigger than yesterday. That is Nibiru. The star, the Babylonians, millennia ago identified as the seat of the Highest God. That star is now hurtling towards one of God's own creations- Earth. In a few days, Nibiru will bring this sordid saga we call life to an abrupt halt. It will end aeons of human civilization and barbarity and reduce this resplendent, blue planet we call home to space debris. All traces of human existence will be wiped off. No one will ever know we existed, much less our travails and our achievements.

If you are worried that the end will be long and painful, bingo! you aren't mistaken. As Nibiru will inch ever so close to Earth, its gravitational pull will wreak havoc on earth. Oceans and seas will rise to kiss the sky and strike land with unimaginable ferocity. We, who so conveniently forget the gentle gravity  that keeps our feet on the ground, will now experience an upward pull that will drive us mad. Atmosphere will thin out as Nibiru tears through it. We will be left gasping for air as Nibiru strikes Earth with all its might and blows it to smithereens.

There will be no day of judgment, no son of God will descend to reward the faithful and damn the disbelievers, No God will appear to rescue humanity, No missiles, no aircrafts, no armies and no governments will save us. We will be all alone, helpless, powerless and yes, very very scared. The end will come slowly, like a blunt knife, making a thousand cuts on the body.  There will be no Noah's ark, no secret hideout where a small race of humans will survive and revive life. There will only be death, destruction and annihilation.

The end of the world is upon us. From dust we came, and to dust we shall return