Munger Diaries III- Mungeristan International Airlines!

In a recent order passed by the government of Mungeristan, it has been decided to launch a national air carrier to facilitate transportation of people and animals across great distances. The last venture of the Transport Ministry of the government of Mungeristan, the 'Bhola Bullock Cart Travels' was a raging success, and the government expects the same result from the national airlines.

1. The national airlines will be called Chidiya International Airlines. The logic behind the name is fairly simple and quite obvious- Like a chidiya in the sky, the aircraft will fly for miles and miles till it reaches its destination. The national animal of Mungeristan- Bhola the Bull, will be mascot of the airlines, symbolizing warmth, hospitality and the fact that the passengers, like the Bull itself will constantly have something to chew on...

2. The airlines will transport Mungeri nationals to exotic locations... The government of Mungeristan is yet to finalize the cities between which the airlines will operate, but grapevine has it that there will be uninterrupted connectivity between Munger & Kampala (Uganda), Munger & Dhaka, Munger & Danapur and Munger & Jhumritalaiyya... Mungeristan's only International airport will be constructed at Sitakund, Munger, on the banks of the river Ganges. This would make for an excellent view. The airport will be at a distance of 2 kms from the national capital, Mungerabad...The government has also decided to prosecute anyone who throws stones at the aircrafts from atop their huts while the planes are in descent.

3. A set of 6 crew members has been finalized for each aircraft. It would include the following

a. The Pilot (Qualifications: 12th Pass & an LMV Drivers' License from the government of Mungeristan)

b. Assistant Pilot (Qualifications: 10th pass & Bullock Cart Drivers' License from the government of Mungeristan)

c. Cook (Qualifications: Education no bar, should know how to cook the following items: Sattu ki roti, Litti Chokha, Bhindi ki Sabzi and Nimbu ka Achaar)

d. Air Hostess 1 ( Qualifications: Education no bar, should be beautiful (waist size< 36" , fair complexion and no grey hair), should be well conversant in one of the following languages-

i. Bhojpuri (must)
ii. Nepali
iii. Ugandan
iv. Santhali

e. Air Hostess 2 (Qualifications: At least 6th pass, dark complexion would do, should be able to assist cook in preparation of items, should have a mellifluous voice and be able to sing Bhojpuri numbers)

f. Security Officer (Qualifications: 6th pass, should have a moustache, should weigh more than 78 Kgs, should be capable of wielding a lathi, should be well versed with Bhojpuri gaalis)

4. Protocols to be followed-

a. All passengers to be smeared with a tilak upon arrival at the airport
b. Unnecessary hassles such as check in to be done away with; Passengers to carry their luggage till the airport exit where they can load their baggages on to a waiting bullock cart
c. No animals to be allowed on the craft. Sole exception to be made in case of cows/bulls/bullocks & Oxes. Dogs are to be allowed if they are a family i.e. 1 Dog & 1 Bitch & minimum 2 puppies
d. Rice to be thrown at passengers when they board the craft. Rice throwing ceremony to be accompanied by Singing of Mungeri national anthem "Hamra Pyaara Mungeristan" by Air Hostess 2.
e. Ganga Water to be served to passengers once they are seated. Passengers to be provided with a towel to clean up, in case they suffer from air sickness.
f. Passengers to be given a choice of meals : Litti Chokha/ Sattu ki roti/ Pyaaz, Namak & Roti
g. Airhostess 2 to sing a Bhojpuri Item number while meals are being served. Passengers are to be encouraged to join in singing. Dancing is to be tolerated.
h. No alcoholic beverages to be served during the flight. Only exception to be made in case passengers are carrying their own Desi Tharra
i. Once the plan begins descent, Airhostess 2 is to start chanting "Raghupati Raghav". Passengers are to be encouraged to join in. Dancing is not to be tolerated
j. Once the plane lands, air fare is to be collected from all passengers at the flat rate of Mungeri Rs. 250 per pair of legs

Here is hoping that the Mungeristan International Airlines does well.

Comrades!

Jyoti Basu's death is certainly going to be a set back to the Commies in India... After all, Jyoti Basu was a phenomenal leader from a Party which in its 80 years of history in India, and which, in spite of all the bassistance and sympathy from hundreds of Commie Sister Organizations has just managed to hold on to power in 2 states in India. Had it been any other country, the Communists would have surely managed to usurp power, but that just didn't happen in this case.

Before you get the idea that I am another of those neo-capitalist Commie bashers, Let me clarify that I am not one of them... I happen to harbour deep sympathies with the Global Communist movement and I am genuinely pained by the fact that Pseudo-Capitalist nations such as China are nowadays considered as the torchbearers of Communism..

Karl Marx' s communism truly arrived on the world stage with the usurpation of power by the Bolsheviks in Russia and the consequent birth of USSR. And there can be no doubt about it, the Communist philosophy does have its heart at the right place. From each according to his ability to each according to his needs, it was declared... And since Communists were a horrendously despised breed in the 19th-20th cent. Europe, it meant that any chance of having a Socialist/Communist Utopia would remain a dream as long as Communists stood in isolation from each other.

Nationalism was the biggest enemy of the Communists...And invariably, like most Occidentalists (if that is even a word), they despised heterogeneity. Differences in language, race, religion were abhorrent to the Communists... The only division that mattered, was the difference between the Rich & the Poor... The Rich were always to be lampooned as the dogs of imperialism while the Poor, irrespective of the facts were the soldiers of Communism.

Unfortunatley for the Communists, what is most appealing to human intellect is pecuniary distinction.... A Rich will never want to be impoverished and a Poor man would always want to become Rich.... So, as far as the Communist movement was concerned, its mandate was clearly laid out.... All it had to do, was to ensure that everyone was made rich ( or equally poor) and at the same time alter the human intellect to ensure that any need for monetary distinction was erased... And That is not all, man, by design, dislikes authority... Every man wants to be a Napoleon, and despises being told what to do... Sadly, that is precisely what a Communist State entailed... Complete and Unopposed servility & loyalty to the ideology. As awful as it sounds, within the ideology of Communism, lay the seeds of its destruction...

Noone in the 60s could have imagined the implosion of the Soviet Union, lesser still of Yugoslavia... Everyone was confident that a Soviet controlled Afghanistan would overrun Pakistan... But that sadly was not meant to be... So the rump of Communist global polity that is still surviving includes such awe-inspiring examples as North Korea, Cuba & Pseudo-Communist China & Vietnam. Add to it the glorious Indian Communist Party...If nothing, it has at least managed to hold the record of the longest serving democratically elected government in West Bengal.

Curious Reservations!

It was certainly an unmatched feat as the government managed to bulldoze its opinion in the Rajya Sabha and get the 108th Amendment to the Constitution approved. One point that stands out distinctly is the fact that if the Congress & the BJP join hands, there is nothing much that the others can do... Its more or less a fait accompli... In a democracy, this kind of collusion between the governing party & the opposition parties can imply dangerous trends... But lets not discuss that... Lets discuss something about the Women's reservation bill...

I have a singular question to ask... How did the UPA/NDA arrive at the figure of 33%... I mean, I am all for reservation of seats for women in the Parliament & the state legislatures, but I don't understand why only 33% of the seats should be reserved... I presumed that since half the population of this country is made up by Womankind, of all the people, women should at least have lobbied for 50% reservation... I am sure that the sex ratio in India isn't so skewed that there exist only 1 woman for every 2 men... Thus 33% reservation is simply ridiculous...At least 50% of the seats in all Legislatures should be reserved for women...Any other figure is simply illogical and should be rejected...Why 33%?...Why not 20%?... If the argument is affirmative action, then I believe 20% reservation sends out just as good a message... Probably, the government would have had to handle much less chaos had it proposed 20% reservation...

Another point is Reservation within Reservation, which is what the Yadav Troika has been yelling out loud... They fear that the bill is discriminatory in nature as there is no protection granted to the weaker sections among women... All I can say is this... Lets have caste/creed/region/language based reservation everywhere...So assuming 10% of India is Bengali... Lets reserve 10% of the seats in the Lok Sabha for Bengali Speaking people... Of this 10%, say 20% is Muslim, so 20% Muslim quota within the Bengali Quota... Also, of the entire population of West Bengal, 10% may be non Bengalis, so reserve another 10% within the Bengali Quota for the Non Bengalis... Say 40% of Bengalis are communist... So now take that in account...And you'd end up with nothing but chaos...

The very fact that we need to reserve seats for women is extremely sad... It just implies that for 60 years, we as a nation have done everything to impede their progress... So much so, that now the government needs to step in and improve their lot... And that is a fact... Had it not been for our reluctance to take all sections of our society along in our quest for progress, we would never have needed reservations in the first place...

But surely, Kudos to the UPA and Mrs. Gandhi... They've taken a huge political gamble for the sake of fulfilling their electoral promises... Something which is rarely seen in Indian Politics...

Freedom!

Rosa Luxembourg was absolutely correct when she said Freedom is always the freedom of dissenters... I mean, what use are your rights to freedom of speech & expression, if they only serve to curb dissenting voices... Ultimately, who do these rights seek to protect??.. Is it the majority who try and impose their version of facts & beliefs.. or is it the minority who are forced to suffer in silence??... If you seek to block all contrarian ideas & ideologies under the garb of disruption to public morality & order, then what good to these rights serve??... In any state, where the government is all powerful, the freedom to speech & expression always signifies the rights of the opposition...And more often than not, the views of the opposition would be such that the government would be tempted to censure them... But it does not... Why?... Because that is where the freedom of speech & expression comes into play


Take the example of India, with its great pseudo-secular polity... We claim we hold secularism on the highest pedestal...It is perhaps even more sacrosanct than our existence as a democracy... This is the majority view... But then there are quite visible minorities that affiliate themselves with majority/minority 'so-called communlaists'... They co-exist in perfect harmony with the secularists.. If the secularists were to decide to censor all matter that they deem communal, where would these minorities go??... There is nothing worse than curbing dissent..It only pushes mionorities to the periphery and gives rise to separatism...All you can do with dissenters is to try and assimilate them...And more often than not, it is not impossible to do so and live in peaceful co-existence...

I have just purchased Lajja by Taslima Nasrin and was going thorugh an article about the author... The way she has been victimized because she holds a set of beliefs contrary to the gigantic majority is a sad testament to our own faith in the freedom of expression & speech.. Just because a set of mullahs, who incidentally might not even represent the majority of Muslims in this country, went on a rampage, the government of India forced her to leave India.. Similarly, just because M F Hussain drew something which was objectionable to the fringe elements of the Hindu community, he was booted out of this country...

Freedom is always the Freedom of dissenters...Governments at times choose to ban certain items as they may provoke anger & cause protests, but that is not for the governments to decide... Governments invariably represent the majority opinion... Only courts should decide what is harmful to public morality and suitable action can be taken...But this needs at all times to be an exception & not the rule!