Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Winner takes it all...


Its been more than a week since they set out in the blazing sun... begging... literally begging for votes... They never walked together... They never approached the same person at the same time... They begged in front of those they liked, those they disliked and even those they couldn't stand... If indications were anything to go by, this election would be as closely fought as ever....

Some voters shooed them away outright... Others would pretend to listen to them before launching their own attack... Some would garland them... Others would garland anyone who approached them... Some would offer their vehement agreement with the cause but refuse to vote... Others would vote if special favours were meted out to them...

At the end of hectic campaigning, all that was left was the uncertain loyalty of a couple of voters, sunburnt skins and a hoarse voices... Some candidates distributed leaflets... Their leaflets would scream what they could not say with their hoarse voices... Others still stood by the mic... Noone could say what the election day would bring... but they persisted... With faith in God, their own good karma and fervent prayers that the right caste-creed combination would sway in their favour...

Polling began early in the day, but trends had begun pouring in much in advance... Someone would say person X was leading, the other would say that X had just slipped a notch...Trends flowed in as freely as does alcohol in college parties... The candidates were sitting quietly beside one another... Some talked to each other as if they were the best of friends... Others kept gazing at the booth... Some others still kept staring at the same page of the newspaper that they were holding in their hands... The sun was still oppressive yet the anxiety levels kept on increasing... Before anyone knew it, polling time was over.... A couple of candidates got up and met their 'loyal' supporters to gauge their own chance of winning... It seemed as if their loyal supporters had successfully convinced them that they had no chance in hell and these candidates disappeared into the crowds and before anyone could stop them, melted out of the main gate...

The others still stayed put... These were the brave ones... They were sure of their destiny... They knew that the voters would crown them... Dusk fell and soon it was dark...Now, only 2 candidates remained... Trends, as genuine as they could ever be, started flowing out of the counting station... Candidate X leads by 150 votes in Booth 1... Candidate Y leads by 20 votes in Booth 2... Booth 3 is a tie... Booth 4 will decide the winner....People start gathering outside... Before you know it, 150-200 people are gathered outside the Counting center... Some are carrying garlands... Others are carrying shoes... A bloodbath seems imminent....

At this moment, the Returning Officer emerges from the Counting Station... He has a paper in his hand... The paper that would seal the destiny of both the contenders... The crowd falls silent... Far away, you can hear the humming of machines.... The Officer clears his throat... "Candidate X beats Candaidate Y by Z votes"... Frenzy grips the crowd... Some start dancing... Others shout "Inquilab Zindabad!"..."Candidate X amar rahe"....Candidate Y tries to escape, but some supporters of Candidate X spot him... The entire crowd starts booing and hissing at the loser... Some try to assault him but the candidate is protected by some of his genuine supporters...Eventually, he is led out... Heartbroken and Disappointed..

Meanwhile, garlands of flowers adorn the winner... He clears his throat and once again reiterates his support for the voters' cause... The crowd chants his name as if it were a vedic hymn....The party continues till the break of dawn... The winner takes the center stage....The loser sentenced to the dustbin of history....


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Dangerous Gases


A fart that escapes without the sound
Is the source of discomfort all around
While the one who unleashes the soundless fart
stays assured that he'll never be caught

While the fart that is accompanied by a sound
Leaves the originator liable to be found
Harmless, though, the 'Soundful' fart is
It can subject the originator to mirthful malice

The facial expressions that come alongside the fart
Prove that Farting is most definitely an art
While a smile may decorate the farter's lips
The vile smell may, in the recipient, induce violent fits!

There are places where farting can be deadly
In closed spaces, it can cripple people instantly
There have been cases of people fainting
Bodies giving up as the smell persists, lingering!

There have been plans to put a fart to better use
With canisters of fart, Ronald Reagan planned to bombard Soviet Rus
With numerous WMDs such as these at hand
For George Bush II, the Arab Saddam was already damned!

Wiser men too have said a lot
Of the unpleasant smell that makes even the soul rot
'So be not afraid of the invisible gas
For remember, that farts too shall pass!!!'