Posthumous-I

I took my life today. Frankly, I had had enough… I felt that my soul was ‘dying’ to break free of the shackles that bound it to my body. This aimless, purposeless existence was too much to take and so I decided to end my life. I did for a moment ponder over my decision, which would undoubtedly be viewed as cowardly and most certainly irreligious, but then, I just couldn’t take it anymore. What was the point trying to live as ‘Captains Courageous’ in front of a world that just didn’t matter? And what was the point trying to live for a God that had most certainly abandoned me totally? And so, I decided to end my life.

I thought of means, both old and new to accomplish the task at hand. All of a sudden, my life had a purpose, a motive and I realized it was this ‘kick’ that I had been waiting for, all my life. I thought of hanging myself by the fan, but discarded the idea as soon as it crept into my head. It would be too painful, I thought… And imagine the sight that would greet the people who’d discover me this way… Eyes protruding outwards… Neck tilted on one side… And I was pretty sure that I my tongue would also loll outwards… Certainly not a very pretty sight… Next option was to sever the vein on the hand and bring an end to this futile existence. But then, It would once again be messy… My body lying in a pool of blood, writhing with agony… And what if I couldn’t take the pain and wanted to reverse my decision?... Where would that leave me?... This option too was discarded… Head on the rail tracks would ruin my face totally… And what if it was this face that I would have to carry about in the afterlife?... Idea dropped…

I finally settled on poisoning myself to death… Anyways, life had become a poison that I had been drinking for 25 years of my sordid existence… Why not end life the same way?... That inconspicuous bottle of phenyl, in the corner of the bathroom would open the door of the ‘Other world’… I was certain that I would go to hell, but was equally sure that Hell would be better than this continued existence… That one bottle of phenyl would drown all my sins and cleanse me once and for all…

Presently, I opened the bottle of phenyl… My mind was made up… there was not one bit of hesitation… I felt calm and at ease with myself… And then, I gulped down the liquid… I have to admit, It didn’t taste good at all… rather, It tasted quite bad actually… If I had a chance, I would have preferred to die by cutting off the vein, but anyways I labored on… I drank almost half the bottle, before the burning sensation in the throat made it impossible for me to continue. My throat singed… it burnt… And I think that’s what did me in… I think I died when that pungent liquid seared my throat…I saw myself in the mirror for the last time… And for the first time, understood the meaning of ‘Deathly pallor’… And just for record’s sake, images from my life did not zip past me as I was expecting… Before long, I was no more…

And yet, for some strange reason, I was… I was right there… In front of my own limp and lifeless form… I could see my old self and yet I couldn’t see my new self… I was still in front of the mirror and yet the mirror refused to return my reflection!... I tried to touch the mirror, but it was a strange experience… While I could touch it, I couldn’t sense it… My hands, it seemed, had gone numb… Maybe, that is what it felt like to be dead… Maybe, this was my soul, formless, yet full of life!...

All of a sudden, everything went dark…I mean pitch dark…and I felt as though I was being sucked through vacuum, which was weird because I certainly wasn’t moving and the distance between me and my lifeless body was still the same… I guess, the closest word I can use to describe the sensation is “Splinched” as in ‘people getting splinched while “disapparating” in Harry Potter books… It certainly was very painful and it was giving me a terrible headache, which again was weird because this was unlike the usual ‘headaches’… It was more like something was being sucked out through my skull…Soon though, all the darkness dissipated and there was clear light… Crystal clear…Light that was purest of pure and whitest of white…

I guessed this was where they delivered the verdict on one’s life… I was sure I had been assigned to hell and was more or less resigned to my ‘fate’… Presently, a voice addressed me… It seemed to be coming from far far away and yet seemed to be clear… It announced a small snapshot of my life, my sins & my virtues and asked me one wish that it would not deny to me… I had been waiting for this chance since my death… All I wanted was to be with my body till it was disposed of… And this is exactly what I told the mysterious voice… My wish was granted and once again the “Splinching” feeling returned… Light disappeared and darkness took its place and in a moment’s time I was back in my room, facing my lifeless form…

-to be continued (hopefully)

The Fall!

He stood there… Motionless…Taken aback at the ferocity of the boos which resonated from the crowd below… Were these the same people who had installed him in his place 30 years ago?…. He looked down, trying to find one pair of eyes that would look sympathetically at him… One face that would reassure him that he had done no wrong… Instead, All he saw was eyes blazing with anger, faces flushed red with nothing but hatred and malice…

In a moment, he was transported back into time… 30 years ago… It was the same crowd, at least in terms of the numbers… That crowd was wild too… It was egging him on… It excited him, It cheered him…. It made him feel like the leader of a country of 25 million people, challenging the might of the mightiest empire on the face of this planet… From his podium, he had looked straight into the eyes of the masses and denounced the evil regime that had suppressed the free voice of a peaceful neighbor…. He had not felt an ounce of fear or worry that he might be next on its list…. He announced that he was prepared to lay down his life for the freedom of his brethren across the border… That he would gladly be a martyr and that the soil drenched by his blood would produce thousands of warriors and demolish the empire of evil….At the end of each sentence, the crowds below swayed wildly…. They screamed, they shouted, they could not have expressed their agreement more clearly… He had their support… He could see it in their eyes…. He was their hope, a symbol of their aspirations… He swore that day to never let them down…

30 years later however, much water had flowed under the bridge…. New faces had replaced the old… People had died and the crowd had been replaced… This crowd remembered nothing of his past glories… They seemed disgusted at his sight… He looked at his wife standing by his side… She was the Mother of the nation…30 years ago, she had stood as had the nation, proud and confident…. Today, she was a pale shadow of herself… Her face was drained of all color… In her white gown, she looked more ghost than human… Her heretical lips had not said any prayers for the last 30 years but today seemed to be mouthing praises to the almighty… She did not seem to realize it, but she was shivering and her eyes averted the sight of the crowd, flitting from the Minister to her right and her husband to her left….

The army stood ready in the shadows of the corners, ready to pounce upon the helpless yet vociferous crowd…. They awaited a signal from their superiors to hurl themselves into the crowd and break up this rowdy demonstration of traitors and imperialists… In their hearts, they wanted him to go… They felt that his game was up and that it was only a matter of time before he would be forced from office, disgraced like his predecessor… Yet, for them, the State came first and they were prepared to lay down their lives in its service…

A huge cry suddenly came from the crowd… Someone had torn apart the national flag and unfurled it from one of the pillars of the Presidential Palace… Suddenly, all hell broke loose. As the army walked in behind the protestors, the crowd started spilling onto the Presidential Palace compounds… His deputy broke the news that the crowd had now taken control of the Ground floor and that it would be best for him and his wife to flee…. In a matter of seconds, a Helicopter appeared at the terrace. The fact that the nation's first couple were fleeing, spurred the crowd on… The intensity of their jeering increased….Someone in the crowd aimed a shot at the minister, but missed by an inch…

In the meanwhile, the helicopter took off, carrying the first couple to the relative safety of the country's north, where his loyalists still held the reins of power…Unfortunately though, the Gods chose to intervene at that very moment. Adverse weather conditions forced the chopper to land in a hostile area, where the inhabitants were celebrating his fleeing the country with impromptu street parties. No sooner did the chopper land that they were apprehended… The irate mob would have delivered the punishment there and then had it not been for his valiant bodyguards… From the corner of his eye, he could see the fate that was being meted out to his brave supporters . One bodyguards had been clubbed to death, while the other was lying on the ground, motionless, staring in his direction…. The fate of his bodyguards foretold him his own fate. He would die at the hands of these ungrateful traitors….He decided that he would not let his execution be a punishment… It would go down in the eyes of the world as a cold blooded murder.

Presently, he was produced before a man who claimed to represent the executive of the new national authority. He leveled the charges against him. He chose to answer no questions that were directed at him. At times, his wife would get carried away and start screaming at the interrogators, but he would calm her down. He refused to recognize even a shred of the court's authority. The Court reached its pre-decided verdict. He was a threat to the nation, he was a traitor who had sapped the nation of its vitality and had committed the gravest crimes against its people… He deserved nothing but death and so did his wife.

Calm, composed and almost statesman like, he delivered a speech denouncing the court, refuting the existence of a new order and vehemently protesting the fact that the people had lost faith in him. As he was being led to the execution grounds, he warned the court that they would meet the same end at the hands of the people and that on that day, he would be avenged….

His execution took 2 minutes. 2 bullets to his chest silenced him. His wife was finished by a lone bullet. The next day, his body was displayed at the town square, where the people spat at his dead body.

.Where millions had turned up to celebrate his ascent to power, not one came to mourn his death... He lived the life of a hero, but died the death of a tyrannous villain..

Das Leben der anderen (The lives of others)

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED!

Imagine a stage...and imagine an audience, waiting with bated breath for your next performance. You are still in the silhouette as the other actor finishes his part and then Zoom... the spotlight falls on you... You suddenly realize you'd never rehearsed for your part... You are just walking down the stage and the audience are furiously scripting down your every move... Ever muscle that twitches in your body, every eye lid that flaps.... Are you playing out the script or are your actions creating the script?

Now imagine this, There is no stage.... there is no audience... You are on your own... the stage was merely your life... and the audience was the Big Brother... Watching your every move... And keeping detailed records of what you thought was an otherwise dull and mundane life... From the moment you wake up to the moment your day comes to an end, you're being watched, and at times followed...The big brother knows it all....

Every word that you utter against the state.... It may be a silly joke shared with friends... or a serious intellectual discussion... will be noted down and will shape your future. Your almost certain promotion will be denied because of that one off the cuff remark. Your file will be marked "Uncertain Loyalty to the state". Your so-far perfect life will start falling apart...The Medical college that your son dreamed of, will be denied to him... Your wife will complain of how her former friends are avoiding her... And before you know it.... Life will become un-liveable, absolutely purposeless... Nothing to look forward to.... You'll feel stifled, uncertain....Will you be able to trust anyone? Will you be able to live with your head held high?.... Probably No... What will life be then, if not a colorless deserted landscape, with you in the centre, surrounded by barrenness...

Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of others) is a 2006 German movie that follows the lives of East Germans as they lived under the ever vigilant and watchful eye of the National State Security (Stasi). There was at least 1 Stasi agent for every 6.5 East German citizens and the Stasi lived up to their motto of being the "Schild und Schwert der Partei" (Shield and Sword of the (Communist) Party). The book Stasiland by Anna Funder, explores further and lays bare the daily lives of East Germans as they lived their lives, never trusting anyone and always fearing everyone.

The fate of the denizens in other Communist countries was no different. From across East Europe, to the Soviet Continent, to China, Vietnam, North Korea, Cuba et al, there lay a complex web of espionage directed by the state against its own citizens. Things would fall in place if your political principles matched that of the state. Deviate and suffering was inevitable...

Let me end with an East German joke, that would have caused the downfall of God-knows how many

"Early in the morning, Honecker (General Secretary of the Communist Party) arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "Good morning, dear Sun!"

The sun replies: "Good morning, dear Erich!"

Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!"

The sun replies: "Good day, dear Erich!"

In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!"

The sun is silent.

Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?"

The sun replies: "Kiss my arse. I'm in the West now.""

Bhopal Gas Farce!

1984 was a particularly unfortunate year in the history of our nation... Even in the best of years, India battles at least 2-3 insurgencies, 4-5 droughts and 6-7 floods... but in 1984, it witnessed the climax of sikh separatism, culminating in the daring attack on the Golden Temple, this was followed by the murder of Mrs. Gandhi by her own bodyguards who she had refused to let go of since she wanted to maintain her secular credentials, the bloody and shameful anti-sikh riots followed soon and much of Delhi and the nation was consumed by hatred... And towards the end of the year, just when it seemed the nation was limping back to a sense of pseudo-normalcy, tragedy struck again in the form of Bhopal Gas Disaster...

Apologies for the verbose introduction to the article, but it is important to realize the context in which the world's worst industrial accident occurred.... I sincerely believe that it was never the fault of the Americans which led to the disaster... The Americans might have been a 'little' careless, but that is completely justified, isn't it? After all, they were dealing with a couple of thousand Indian lives...Indians, used to being brought up in poverty are used to fighting hard for an inconsequential existence... Clearly their lives aren't that important... Like a spokesperson for Dow chemicals said as late as in 2002, An Indian life is surely not more precious than $500!! 

Anyways, enough of America-bashing... I genuinely believe that the Americans didn't kill the 20000 who died in Bhopal, It was the Indian government that dug their graves and spat upon their lifeless bodies... The Indian government showed pragmatism in the most unlikely of places... Imagine you are the government and the choice you have to make is as follows- 20000 people from a semi-urban area whose existence is unknown to most countrymen and Rs. 2 Cr per annum from foreign investments that can potentially pull the country out of poverty...

Of Course you'd choose the latter... Who cares about 20000 miserable wretches? Nobody... That is why Mr. Arjun Singh offered a helicopter to Mr. Anderson to help him flee his arrest... That is why, even as people in the affected areas slept, Mr. Arjun Singh fled Bhopal... That is why, committees were set up and dissolved... And that is precisely why it has taken 26 years of waiting for a sentence of 2 years!

The Bhopal gas Disaster was never meant to be a tragedy, it was meant to be a farce played out by those in power... And some people genuinely believed they would get justice! Wake up already if you've deluded yourself so far... Your immaterial and insignificant existence is of use to none... 

Indeed, lucky were the ones who perished that fateful night... At least they didn't live to see mockery being made out of their misery....

Jai Hind! 

An India Forgotten!

I can bet on the fact that 3 out of 4 indians will not be able to tell the capital of Mizoram... I can also bet on the fact that 1 out of 2 indians, when asked as to what people inhabit Nagaland, would reply with the word Chinese... I think, for most Indians, Assam is as far as India goes in the East... Anything beyond that is simply a tribal area inhabited by Chinky looking Chinese people... And without doubt, this is one of the gravest tragedies to befall the Indian State...Even after 60 years of Independence, we are yet to acknowledge the North Eastern States as equal Indians as perhaps a Bengali, or a Punjabi or a Tamil...

Who cares if governments come and go in the North East as fast as the discount offers on newly launched products? Who cares if the secessionists rule the roost in most parts? Who cares if Indians require Special Permits to visit a part of their own country? Who cares if curfews are clamped in Capital cities of these states at 5 PM and life comes to a grinding halt? Lets not even talk about water & electricity. The Indian state has proven less discriminatory on this count. It has failed all peoples and all states equally as far as impoverishment is concerned...

Little doubt that there are hundreds of tiny insurgencies going on in the North East... People are disgruntled with the Indian State... After all, what has the Indian state done for them? If their daughters and sisters migrate to Delhi for education, they are leered at and referred to as being 'loose'...If the boys want to study, they have to leave their parents and families behind... And even after a worthwhile education, Can they ever dream of returning to their 'homeland' and earning a decent living?... No ways...

Its been 60 days, since the Naga insurgents/activists blockaded the highway leading to Manipur... Fuel costs as much as Rs. 150-170 a litre, hospitals are shutting down for the want of medicines... people are in distress... But does the Indian State care?.. Imagine, secessionists/anti-national elements blockading entry route into Mumbai... What would happen then?

Irom Sharmila has been on a fast unto death for more than 10 years now... All she demands is that people be allowed to live a dignified life... And the oppressive AFSPA be repealed... What has the Indian state done? It has force fed Sharmila for the last 10 years, since it is illegal to commit suicide... Where is the national media?... Why the silence on the misery of 23 lakh people, when there is a flurry on activity to get justice to 1 Ruchika Girhotra??

When people are disappointed, they express their disgruntlement in a variety of measures... In the North East, people have taken to arms to vent their frustration...The Politicians will never care, since the entire North East sends merely 25 MPs to a 543 member Lok Sabha... It is the civil society that must raise its voice against the evident oppression of its brethren in the North East!

It is only if we treat all Indians as equals can we realize the dreams of our forefathers who fought long and hard to win us our freedom... As long as we stay apathetic, we are only sowing the seeds for a bleak future, which is best avoided!

Murder most foul!

Of all the Murders that rock this country, the foulest are the murders of the tongue… Every single day, in every nook & corner of this nation, multitudes of people commit the most sinister of all follies…. The murder of the language they speak… And what is the consequence?… Hindi has been virtually eradicated in the South, English in the North… The West speaks a tongue that is unbeknownst to the rest and the East… Well they talk a wee bit too much in the East…

So if you are to converse in Hindi with a "South Indian" (I mean with a person belonging to one of the 4 southern states, so don't start calling me a North Indian racist), you are more likely to be met with the following 5 letter reply-

"मेरे को हिंदी नहीं आता …."

Only South Indians can tell when and where did the Hindi tongue get its Sex-Change operation… Must have been in the sordid by-lanes of Bangkok… Anyways…

While the South Indians butcher away Hindi, the Biharis aren't far behind…. They have gone global when it comes to murdering languages… They murder the Queen's very own tongue… Shakespeare must be turning in his grave for every syllable uttered by these people….

Where magically becomes Bhere…

You becomes Jhu…

Prepositions end the sentences like Bhat Jhu comes here phor?

Verbs and conjugations have since long lost their importance like… Bhen I was came from the Jungle, the Loin roars me at…. (Its always the Loin that roars... never the Lion)

The Bongs aren't too far behind… they take perverse pleasure in pronouncing both Hindi & English in a Bangla accent…

Savour this-

हामको भोत डड लग डहा था ( हमको बहुत डर लग रहा था )

The Lion doad in the middle of the doad (The Lion roared in the middle of the road)

The Marathis give the rest of Indians a run for their money in emphasizing their love for vowels…

Shiv becomes Shiuu…

Give becomes Giuu….

And the Bhopalis… My… Are they a race apart… They make their vowels long and short as & when they desire…

Black becomes Blake

Cake becomes Cack

snake becomes Snack

Incidentally, in Bhopal, Girls don't get raped… They get wrapped!

All this reminds me of a few lines from the movie "My Fair lady", where Rex Harrison utters these memorable lines-

"Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters
Condemned by every syllable she utters
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue..."'

Now that's not a bad option... Isn't it... :D

The Red Zone

It has been a while since nondescript places like Jhargram and Dantewada made their way into our lexicon for all the wrong reasons. What were to most Indians, random, remote locations in some Godforsaken part of the country have now suddenly been thrust into the limelight. For that, if nothing else, one must sincerely thank the Maoists. They have undone what the Indian State has been trying to do for the last 60 years of its sordid existence, forget that these places exist or their inhabitants are worth anything at all...

The Naxal Problem is not a new phenomenon, nor is it something which has stumped the government out of the blue. Naxalism is in fact a very Indianized form of what the whole world calls a Communist Insurrection. The fact that 1/3rd of India is now a part of the so called Red Corridor where the writ of the Government doesn't run is what makes the matter very serious. Add to it the fact that the so-called peoples' revolutionaries have sworn to overthrow the Indian State and institute a Soviet/Chinese style Peoples'  Government in its place. And lets be honest about it, that is the sole reason why you suddenly have Politicians denouncing the Maoists. They represent a strong challenge to the virtually unchallenged authority of the Indian State.

The Maoists have become Revolutionaries for all the right reasons. It would not be incorrect to say that revolutionaries have been made out of unwilling people by the Indian State. When the state refuses to recognize your existence, how else can you make it listen to your voice. The answer is, by pinching the state where it hurts the most-Throw grenades at convoys of soldiers, derail a few trains here & there, denounce the state and call for its overthrow. If attention is what the Maoists desired, then one must applaud their attempts. They have done a good job. While none can dispute the end (Development of backward areas), the means to attain the goal are certainly open to question.

For a moment, consider the precarious position the government finds itself in. Its writ has ceased to run in one-third of the country. The fact that it and it alone represents the will of the people is being constantly undermined. Bombings, extortion and murder have devastated the otherwise calm & peaceful country-life. It may choose to respond with force, and let their be no doubt, The power of the state will triumph and crush the rebels, but the victory would certainly be pyrrhic.

The Maoists represent the weakest of the weak and the poorest of the poor. These people deserve to be represented and their voices heard. If only the Naxals can retain their political idealism and deploy it democratically, the downtrodden would be immensely benefitted.

None can deny the past wrongs of the state, but never have 2 wrongs made a right. The Maoists need to realize this. The State on its part must push for progress and equitable development. That is the only permanent solution to what would otherwise be a devastating conflict.

Animal Farm Continues...

The sight of the pigs standing on their hind legs, with faces that looked more human than animal, aroused a sense of rage that knew no bounds among the animals of the Manor Farm.... All of a sudden, the reason for their penury and the pigs' wealth became clear to the animals huddled outside the window... It was clover who enunciated this new-found clarity of thought... "All our lives we worked hard to rid ourselves of the despicable humans... How foolish were we, never to realize that we've replaced the humans with the pigs.... Down with the Pigs!!!... Down with Animalism...Glory to the Animals!!!!"... His speech, however was cut short with the growling of the dogs... Squealer, the pig, walked menacingly towards Clover, with a leash in his right hand. "Well...Well..Well..Didn't I just witness the dimwit horse heap ignominy on our glorious regime...Now that I can never let be....Dogs!... Arrest this thankless bastard and put him behind bars...He'll face Napoleon tomorrow at dawn...." By then, a huge crowd had gathered... Many of the animals nodded disapprovingly, but they were all powerless in front of the Dogs... "Glory to all Animals... Woe befall the pigs!... Down with Animalism", Clover managed to shout before 2 punches to his face quietened him.... His limp body was dragged away to the Jailhouse....

That night, no animal in Manor Farm slept.... Dogs kept a close watch on all animals...And their horrible growls kept most animals awake... Muriel the goat announced that her mind was made up... She would not let Clover be lost to the pigs' barbarity.... Along with a few sheep, she drew up a plan to storm the Jailhouse and free Clover... They would leave the Farm and never return... Better to die as a wild beast than to live as Pigs' slaves, she said... Moses, the Raven heard this and immediately took off...hovering above the barn, she yelled..."Animals of the world...Unite.... Glory to Clover... Long live Snowball... Down with the Pigs... Glory to the Animals...."

Moses' words had a magical effect on all animals... The hens created pickets out of their nests, setting a few alight so as to create torches that would frighten the dogs away...The cows wagged their tails with vigor, and anyone who'd come near them would go away whipped and badly bruised...The sheep brayed long and hard, with a passion found only in neo-converts...The army of animals attacked the Dog guarding the barn first... The loud braying of sheep temporarily deafened him, and he didn't even realize the tail that came and smacked him hard...He lay there...In a pool of his own blood..stirring, but barely alive...

Emboldened by their first victory, the animals marched straight towards the Pigs' Palace...By this time, a few of the animals had already defeated the Dogs guarding the Jailhouse and freed Clover... Clover had been badly tortured, but he marched on forth... His weak but determined Neighs still shouted "Glory to the Animals... Down with the Pigs"....

The Pigs had probably seen this coming... They cleverly deployed their Dogs to attack from the sides, and when that failed, they released the Piglets from the front and the humans from behind the animals... The animals were surrounded on all four sides, and were outgunned and badly outnumbered... The Dogs attacked the sheep and silenced their braying... The humans were carrying hacksaws and approached Muriel menacingly... Just when it seemed that the battle was lost and that the tyranny of Pigs' would continue, Moses emerged in the skies above, carrying a lit torch, which he dropped into Napoleon's room... In a matter of seconds, the whole Pigs' Palace was on fire...The defendants broke their lines and ran helter skelter, and the animals chased them... The humans were the first to flee, followed by the Dogs, yelping...

Napoleon and Squealer tried to flee but were caught before they could...A summary trial presided by Muriel sentenced the Pigs to death by sawing...A couple of dogs who were also apprehended met the same fate...Napoleon's last words, drowned in the din of the excited cheering of the animals were "I have done no crime... Death to the counter revolutionaries..."...Piece by piece his body was hacked by the saw operated by Clover and the sheep....Squealer tried to wriggle out of the execution, claiming that he had been brainwashed and that his sympathies lay with Animalism...His conviction and appeal won over many hearts... His punishment was changed from Death by Sawing to Death by hanging... In Muriel's words "Let his hanging body be an example of how we were led astray"...

The next morning, the Animalist Flag was torn from the staff... The horn and the hooves were stamped upon... One of the sheep cut out the horn & the hooves and that became the new flag of the Animal Farm, as it was to be called again...The board containing the Seven Commandments was brought down and thrown out of the Animal Farm... In its place was put up a plain white sheet containing the words "All Animals are the same and will be treated equally"....

Clover was nominated as the Animal-in-chief of the farm after a general assembly of all animals of the Animal Farm selected him... He served for a period of 6 months before his health turned for the worse... Muriel succeeded him...Last heard the Animal Farm was prospering & was the envy of all Neighboring farms...

Munger Diaries III- Mungeristan International Airlines!

In a recent order passed by the government of Mungeristan, it has been decided to launch a national air carrier to facilitate transportation of people and animals across great distances. The last venture of the Transport Ministry of the government of Mungeristan, the 'Bhola Bullock Cart Travels' was a raging success, and the government expects the same result from the national airlines.

1. The national airlines will be called Chidiya International Airlines. The logic behind the name is fairly simple and quite obvious- Like a chidiya in the sky, the aircraft will fly for miles and miles till it reaches its destination. The national animal of Mungeristan- Bhola the Bull, will be mascot of the airlines, symbolizing warmth, hospitality and the fact that the passengers, like the Bull itself will constantly have something to chew on...

2. The airlines will transport Mungeri nationals to exotic locations... The government of Mungeristan is yet to finalize the cities between which the airlines will operate, but grapevine has it that there will be uninterrupted connectivity between Munger & Kampala (Uganda), Munger & Dhaka, Munger & Danapur and Munger & Jhumritalaiyya... Mungeristan's only International airport will be constructed at Sitakund, Munger, on the banks of the river Ganges. This would make for an excellent view. The airport will be at a distance of 2 kms from the national capital, Mungerabad...The government has also decided to prosecute anyone who throws stones at the aircrafts from atop their huts while the planes are in descent.

3. A set of 6 crew members has been finalized for each aircraft. It would include the following

a. The Pilot (Qualifications: 12th Pass & an LMV Drivers' License from the government of Mungeristan)

b. Assistant Pilot (Qualifications: 10th pass & Bullock Cart Drivers' License from the government of Mungeristan)

c. Cook (Qualifications: Education no bar, should know how to cook the following items: Sattu ki roti, Litti Chokha, Bhindi ki Sabzi and Nimbu ka Achaar)

d. Air Hostess 1 ( Qualifications: Education no bar, should be beautiful (waist size< 36" , fair complexion and no grey hair), should be well conversant in one of the following languages-

i. Bhojpuri (must)
ii. Nepali
iii. Ugandan
iv. Santhali

e. Air Hostess 2 (Qualifications: At least 6th pass, dark complexion would do, should be able to assist cook in preparation of items, should have a mellifluous voice and be able to sing Bhojpuri numbers)

f. Security Officer (Qualifications: 6th pass, should have a moustache, should weigh more than 78 Kgs, should be capable of wielding a lathi, should be well versed with Bhojpuri gaalis)

4. Protocols to be followed-

a. All passengers to be smeared with a tilak upon arrival at the airport
b. Unnecessary hassles such as check in to be done away with; Passengers to carry their luggage till the airport exit where they can load their baggages on to a waiting bullock cart
c. No animals to be allowed on the craft. Sole exception to be made in case of cows/bulls/bullocks & Oxes. Dogs are to be allowed if they are a family i.e. 1 Dog & 1 Bitch & minimum 2 puppies
d. Rice to be thrown at passengers when they board the craft. Rice throwing ceremony to be accompanied by Singing of Mungeri national anthem "Hamra Pyaara Mungeristan" by Air Hostess 2.
e. Ganga Water to be served to passengers once they are seated. Passengers to be provided with a towel to clean up, in case they suffer from air sickness.
f. Passengers to be given a choice of meals : Litti Chokha/ Sattu ki roti/ Pyaaz, Namak & Roti
g. Airhostess 2 to sing a Bhojpuri Item number while meals are being served. Passengers are to be encouraged to join in singing. Dancing is to be tolerated.
h. No alcoholic beverages to be served during the flight. Only exception to be made in case passengers are carrying their own Desi Tharra
i. Once the plan begins descent, Airhostess 2 is to start chanting "Raghupati Raghav". Passengers are to be encouraged to join in. Dancing is not to be tolerated
j. Once the plane lands, air fare is to be collected from all passengers at the flat rate of Mungeri Rs. 250 per pair of legs

Here is hoping that the Mungeristan International Airlines does well.

Comrades!

Jyoti Basu's death is certainly going to be a set back to the Commies in India... After all, Jyoti Basu was a phenomenal leader from a Party which in its 80 years of history in India, and which, in spite of all the bassistance and sympathy from hundreds of Commie Sister Organizations has just managed to hold on to power in 2 states in India. Had it been any other country, the Communists would have surely managed to usurp power, but that just didn't happen in this case.

Before you get the idea that I am another of those neo-capitalist Commie bashers, Let me clarify that I am not one of them... I happen to harbour deep sympathies with the Global Communist movement and I am genuinely pained by the fact that Pseudo-Capitalist nations such as China are nowadays considered as the torchbearers of Communism..

Karl Marx' s communism truly arrived on the world stage with the usurpation of power by the Bolsheviks in Russia and the consequent birth of USSR. And there can be no doubt about it, the Communist philosophy does have its heart at the right place. From each according to his ability to each according to his needs, it was declared... And since Communists were a horrendously despised breed in the 19th-20th cent. Europe, it meant that any chance of having a Socialist/Communist Utopia would remain a dream as long as Communists stood in isolation from each other.

Nationalism was the biggest enemy of the Communists...And invariably, like most Occidentalists (if that is even a word), they despised heterogeneity. Differences in language, race, religion were abhorrent to the Communists... The only division that mattered, was the difference between the Rich & the Poor... The Rich were always to be lampooned as the dogs of imperialism while the Poor, irrespective of the facts were the soldiers of Communism.

Unfortunatley for the Communists, what is most appealing to human intellect is pecuniary distinction.... A Rich will never want to be impoverished and a Poor man would always want to become Rich.... So, as far as the Communist movement was concerned, its mandate was clearly laid out.... All it had to do, was to ensure that everyone was made rich ( or equally poor) and at the same time alter the human intellect to ensure that any need for monetary distinction was erased... And That is not all, man, by design, dislikes authority... Every man wants to be a Napoleon, and despises being told what to do... Sadly, that is precisely what a Communist State entailed... Complete and Unopposed servility & loyalty to the ideology. As awful as it sounds, within the ideology of Communism, lay the seeds of its destruction...

Noone in the 60s could have imagined the implosion of the Soviet Union, lesser still of Yugoslavia... Everyone was confident that a Soviet controlled Afghanistan would overrun Pakistan... But that sadly was not meant to be... So the rump of Communist global polity that is still surviving includes such awe-inspiring examples as North Korea, Cuba & Pseudo-Communist China & Vietnam. Add to it the glorious Indian Communist Party...If nothing, it has at least managed to hold the record of the longest serving democratically elected government in West Bengal.