What to do?

I am sick of people acting aghast when I say I don’t play sports…And I don’t follow sports either… And I am sick of the extended explanation that I have to give to convince people that I am not lying… I mean really, I don’t play sports coz’ I know I suck… and I really do… and I don’t follow sports coz’ if I can’t play then what is the whole point of jumping at someone else making & breaking records! And please! Don’t even give me that nationalist Gyaan that one is supposed to cheer for India when it wins a Gold Cup… And since one must cheer for India it is logical that one must also witness the event for which one is acting so cheerfully! Sorry, boss… I am not 10 anymore… And clearly… India will continue to win/ lose shamelessly irrespective of whether I cheer for her or not…. That is point 1…. The flip side of not playing/watching/taking interest in sports is that it robs me of a very vital and easy topic on which small talk can be done…. Usually the conversation that commences with the line “How pathetic was Sachin’s performance yesterday”, should proceed to how great and awesome Sachin is…. And how beautifully India batted the other day etc. etc. …. Unfortunately though, in my case, the conversation thus begun are ended by me with a “hmmm”, with moi usually looking the other way to hide my shame at the fact that I wasn’t even aware that there was a match, let alone Sachin’s abominable performance…

I am also sick of people acting aghast when I tell them that I don’t really follow Hindi movies… Yes… I have still not seen “Dil Chahta hai”… or “KNPH”… I don’t think I have seen DDLJ fully till date… And I saw Kuch Kuch Hota Hai like some 4 years after its release… But before you brand me a hopelessly pathetic person, I would just like to say the following in my defense… I have made a genuine effort to watch Hindi movies… And what have I ended up watching… for some sad reason or the other… I have been subjected to tortures such as “Rakht”… “Dev D”… “Paa” etc. Not to say that “Black” or “Rang De Basanti” were not fantastic… but they were merely exceptions to the rule… So as a result… I have re-imposed a moratorium on me watching Hindi movies… unless they are recommended by at least 4 people whose opinions matter… So,That robs me of another easy “Small-Talk”-able topic…

I am also sick of people acting aghast when I tell them that I don’t read such books as “2 states” or “5 point someone” or the likes of such books… I am also sick of disappointing them by telling them the kind of books that I read… So that is one less area where small talk can be had!

Lastly I am sick of the exasperated looks on people’s faces when there is nothing left to talk about other than the weather!!! So that a typical conversation is...

Them : Its cold today!

Me: yea... Its very cold today!

Them: It was very cold yesterday also!

Me: I think the day before was the coldest!

Them: yea... See you!

Me: Bye!

What to do? :D

Backlogs!

I feel like reminiscing about the much dreaded backlogs.. I mean, now that college is over and the degree has been "earned", it is easier to talk about Backlogs as a sort of experience that helps one "mature" and develop a "holistic" view of things... But mind it, these very backlogs were the source of much agony & heartbreak when they actually "occured"...


My hypothesis of me getting backlogs is very simple... I had nothing to do with them... They were freak accidents that could have happened to anybody...Only, they happened to me... Weight is given to this hypothesis by the simple fact that I managed to pass most of the subjects where I really dreaded getting a backlog... Take for example Econometrics... or even Economics... or for that matter Financial Management... or even OR... I only got backlogs where I felt I had performed exceedingly well (relative to my knowledge of the subject) or where I thought I'd at least be an "average"...

Case 1: Managerial Accountancy Internals was my first backlog...My first backlog in the history of my educational "career"... I was handed out a backlog when I failed to score the 0.7* average score i.e. 36 or 37... I think I scored 24.. And why, you ask?... Because I had not had a good meal for days, dreading the Man Acc paper... I avenged my hunger by eating up all 0s... So 10,00,000 magically became 10,00,00....So Cost Sheets would obviously be wrong... I made the same mistake in least 3 different questions... I remember begging the prof to somehow pass me so that "ye kalank mere charitra se dhul jaye", but he refused... So thats that... By the way, I scored very well in the Man Acc externals, implying that the fault lay not with understanding, but merely with executing... And anyways.. I turned out to be the Man Acc backlog topper... and it contributed more to my GPA than what would have been the contribution in case of just scraping through in the Internals...

Case 2: Leadership internals... I mean who flunks Leadership?... It was a paper that tested pfaffability and I am certain of my prowess in pfaffing my way through most situations... So the question is, How did I flunk?.. Basically, I was not allowed to sit for one of the evaluations, thanks to me bunking one of the Guest Lectures... Later on, when I begged to be allowed to write the missed evaluation, I was told that I'd have to pay a fine of Rs. 1000... Now, applying for backlog cost Rs 500 ... So, demonstrating the business acumen that had been gained in the last 3 semesters, it was clear that paying the fine would undoubtedly be a "lose-win" scenario, monetarily speaking... I also remember begging and stalking the professor for days at end and the way she treated me, like a stray dog, really disgusted me...And anyways, it is not always about marks... It is about principles... Why should I pay to sit for re-exam for bunking a stoopid guest lecture that was in no way related to this subject?... In any case, flunk I did... And I did re-appear for Leadership internals.. where, once more I turned out to be the topper...

Anyways...My sole 'academic achievement' in College has been topping Backlog exams.

I am yet to use a single principle of Man Acc in my life or for that matter demonstrate the traits of leadership that were identified in the course on Leadership...So, thats that!

Munger Diaries II

Now that the new year has arrived and is comfortably settled... It is time to continue with the adventures in Mungeristan....Let me begin by highlighting some points

1. The national language of Mungeristan is incomprehensible Hindi...This varies from incomprehensibility arising out of addition of Bhojpuri, or in this case Angika words... or from the utterance of hyper pure sanskritized Hindi that was last used in schooldays... Either ways, to my ears, that have gotten used to a variety of apabramhshas...both are equally unintelligible! For starters, can you understand what does a person mean, when he says " Hum achambhit hain ki aapne humey samay nahi diya (does achambhit mean happy/sad/surprised/shocked)... ye atyant durbhagyapoorn hai"... Similary, I have also been lectured on my "Daayitva" and on certain "Vidambanaas"...

2. Geographically speaking, Mungeristan is situated somewhere in the middle of the Himalayas...That is the only way to explain why it is so cold here, when, technically, it is just 400 kms from Kolkata, where, from what I hear, people are still sweating... Biting cold is made worse by super cold winds that keep blowing day in & out.... and add to it the fact that I am now Vitamin D deficient, thanks to the lack of Sunshine for the

last 2 weeks...! It is so cold, that my facebook status message has been "brr brr cold cold" at least 5 times in the last 2 weeks...I have forgotten what it means to have warm fingers and toes... and when was the last time I didn't feel revolted at the thought of having to pee and then wash hands...

3. The national weapon of Mungeristan is a gun called "kattha"... It sells en masse here... People use it for a variety of purposes... It is the most favoured weapon of the kidnapper and the murderer... It also serves the purpose of self reliance in Mungeristan... Mungeristan is the single largest consumer of Katthas produced in Mungeristan...

4. The favorite pastime of people in Mungeristan is climbing towers... They climb towers early in the day and then refuse to climb down for hours at end... Atop the tower, where mobile signals are the clearest, they talk to their beloved.... Last heard, the government of Mungeristan was planning to tax tower climbing...

5. The favorite holiday destination of the citizens of Mungeristan is the city of Mungerabad... Located in the centre of Mungeristan, Mungerabad proudly boasts of 1 legal arms factory and a million illegal ones, 2 restaurants, 81 lakh gau shaalas & 1 movie theatre...The current rage in Mungeristan is the movie "Gayi bhaisaniya paniya me"... Also doing well is the action-thriller movie "Barood"...

Oh and also... I have finally shifted to a place of my own which implies that I am, after almost 6 months of or so, no longer, living out of a suitcase... Can anything else be more delightful!!