Votenama

Well, the last of the votes have been counted and the verdict is crisp and clear... It is a resounding win for the Congress led United Progressive Alliance and a severe drubbing for the BJP led NDA and the Communist led Thrid Front....The farcical rag tag alliance of foes turned friends calling themselves the Fourth Front has been eliminated as a politically relevant force. So, as the Political Parties count their gains and mourn their losses, here is a why's why of who won/lost where and how-

1.) The electorate has overwhelmingly voted to retain a Centrist Alliance that represents the needs and the aspirations of this diverse nation the best. The Congress with a 200+ tally has received a resounding verdict for governance from the nation

2.) The NDA with Narendra Modi as its PM in waiting and the Mandir Idol LK Advani as the PM has been completely decimated. This is BJP's worst showing in the Lok Sabha since 1991 when it won 120 seats. Varun Baba's 'Chopping hands' speech may have helped the BJP retain Pilibhit but has certainly cost them dearly.

3.) Nitish Kumar's JD(U) has razed Laloo's Caste Castle in Bihar. Laloo finds himself Politically irrelevant in the 15th Lok Sabha. Even more surprising is the fate of Bihar Strongman Ram Vilas Paswan who lost his own seat and who unlike Laloo did not contest from another seat.

4.) Amma's belated sympathy with Lankan Tamils did not endear the electorate to her. DMK has retained its grip over Tamil Nadu.

5.) MamtaDi has emerged as the CommieKiller. The Left finds its Red bastion in Bengal in shambles.The Mahajot has finally trounced the sickle and the hammer. The left has the lowest ever tally in the Lok Sabha!...

6.) Even Royalty in the form of Vasundhara Raje couldn't save the BJP from the drubbing it has received at the hands of the resurgent Congress.

7.) Chiru, KSR and Chandrababu troika only helped the Congress retain power in AP and contribute to its Lok Sabha Kitty.

8.) The Shankh has been sounded in Orissa where the victorious BJD has returned to power stronger than even before. The myth of BJP-RSS power in that state has been shattered. BJP even lost Kandhamal, where the anti Christian riots were supposed to have resulted in a Hindutva Wave

9.) Delhi has once again been swept by the Congress inspite of BJP fielding several strong candidates. BJP finds itself challenged in even its strongholds in the city.

10.) And yes, the electorate has stated clearly that Caste Politics can only take one so far.... Behenji's dreams to become India's next PM or at least the King Maker proved as illusory as Advani's dream to lead the nation!

Political Melodies...

What the Election Commission is telling the voters

Aaja ve mahi tera rasta ho dekhdiya
Dar se hatti nahin nazar aaja
Aaja dil ki pukar par aaja
Der karna teri aadat thi sahi
Der se hi sahi magar aaja
Aaja ve mahi tera rasta ho dekhdiyan



What the Election Commission is telling the Politicians-

Sajan re jhooth mat bolo
Khuda ke paas jana hai
Naa Haathi hai
Naa ghoda hai
Wahan paidal hi jaana hai


What are the politicians telling the voters-

O... Naa Jaa Mere baadshah
Ek waade ke liye
Ek waada todkar
Khuda ka tujhe wasta
Lautakar Aanaa Teraa
Dekhungi Main Raastaa


What are the voters singing-

Arrey jhoot Bole Kauva Kaate,
Kaale Kauve Se Darriyo
Main Maike Chali Jaaoongi,
Tum Dekhte Rahiyo


What are the voters who are planning to exercise 49 (O) saying-

Accha silaa diya tuney mere pyaar ka
Ho... Accha Silaa diya tuney mere pyaar ka
Yaar ne hi loot liya ghar yaar ka....
Mere Pyaar Wale Sabhi Phool Murjhaaye
Kaante Hi Khizaon Wale Mere Hisse Aa gaye
Raas Na Aaya Mujhe Sapna Bahaar Ka
Yaar Ne Hi Loot Liya Ghar Yaar Ka


What the EVMs are saying-

Honthon mein aisi baat main dabaake chali aayi
Khul jaye wohi baat to duhaayi hai duhaayi
Haan re haan,
baat jismein pyaar to hai,
zaher bhi hai
Haan....

The Preamble

WE, THE POLITICIANS OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a FEUDAL PAROCHIAL COMMUNAL LAWLESS FIEFDOM and to secure to all its citizens:

OPPRESSION, social, economic and political;
RESTRICTION of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
DISCRIMINTAION in status and in opportunity;
and to promote among them all
DIFFERENCES assuring the primacy of the political class over the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this tenth day of May, 2009, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.

The ABC of Indian Politics..

A	Akhand Bharat	The Saffron Concept of reuniting all of Indian Subcontinent under Hindu rule
	Amma	Amma who has made many a seasoned politician cry rivers of blood and agony…Madras ki Rani Amma
B	Behenji	Refers to the PM hopeful and the self-proclaimed ‘Messiah’ of the oppressed
C	Chanakya	His treatise which expounds on many Machiavellian concepts has been shamelessly exploited by our politicians
D	Dravidian Politics	Refers to Parties that are more concerned about what happens in Sri Lanka than in their own states
E	EVMs	The state of the art Electronic Voting Machines that make our Election system ‘Oh-so cool’
F	Fire Arms	Their sales rises exponentially during the election season thanks to the extra demand from UP, Bihar etc.
G	Godhra	The latest riots related case which is expected to remain a poll-issue for at least a century
	Gandhi	The dynasty which has claimed all rights to govern this nation till perpetuity
H	Hindutva	The raison d’ etre of the saffron block... The Indian version of supremacy
I	Indecision	The biggest strength of any Indian Politician… Postpone till tomorrow what thou must do today... as the old adage goes
J	Jantantra	The tantra is horribly flawed and the jan are disillusioned
K	Kalyan Singh	Hindutva Poster Boy, now hell bent on digging BJP’s grave
L	Laloo	Hum keh raha hoon… Agla PM toh hum hi banega
M	Mamtadi	The sorrow of Bengal
N	Narendra Modi	The butcher of Gujarat...Opposition’s envy, BJP’s pride!
O	Omar Abdullah	The suave 3rd Generation leader of Kashmir’s first family… Another of those Youth Leaders
P	Pilibhit	Place that witnessed Varun Gandhi’s claim to fame speech
Q	Qaid-e-Azam	Almost caused L K Advani’s downfall…Almost!
R	Rahul Gandhi	India’s most eligible Bachelor… The PM in waiting
S	Sonia Gandhi	The Italy born, Indian bahu
T	Terrorism	The biggest threat to India and Indianness
U	UPA	(Dis)United (Anti)Progressive (Mes)alliance
V	Vote	Something that most Indians refrain from doing
W	West Bengal	The only planet where a breed called Communists thrive
X	Xenophobia	Refers to the policies of Parties such as MNS and Shiv Sena that make Indians foreigners in their own country!
Y	Yaadasht	Something that all Politicians lack… Once elected all promises are forgotten is the case in point
Z	Zillions	Of Public Money that goes down the drain in the exercise called elections…

 

Ole Ms Gandhi

Ole Ms Gandhi had a farm 

E I E I O
And on that farm was Quattrocchi
E I E I O
An embezzlement here... And a big fraud there
Here a fraud... There a fraud... Everywhere fraud fraud

Ole Ms Gandhi had a farm 

E I E I O

And on that farm was Jagdish Tytler

E I E I O

A sikh killed here... And a surd down there

Here a Sikh... There a Sikh... Everywhere Sikh Sikh

Ole Ms Gandhi had a farm 

E I E I O

And on that farm was Narsimha Rao

E I E I O

A mosque down here... And a blast down there

Here a blast... There a blast... Everywhere blast blast

Ole Ms Gandhi had a farm 

E I E I O

And on that farm was Congress Party

E I E I O

An ass licker here... And a Sycophant there...

Here a lick... There a lick... Everwhere lick lick

Ole Ms Gandhi had a farm

E I E I O

Clash of the Titans

Advani called him a PM weak
Someone who was shy and meek
Who dug his head into the ground
instead of tackling problems all around

Manmohan said it is not about oratory
There, the efforts of my opponent are quite laudatory
But mark my words, I will not be found
Weeping in a corner while a mosque is razed to the ground

Advani was stunned, left close to tears
I've never been insulted, not in all these years
Look, who is pointing finger at me
The one who hides behind Sonia's Saree

Manmohan was incensed, outraged was he
Enough is enough, now this I can't let be
This Jinnah worshipper is off his rocker
He didn't know of Kandahar, now is that proper?

Advani knew now that he'd lost the war
Humbly he said, This is taking matters too too far
The worst I ever said was that the PM was weak
And I get profanities and invectives hurled by that freak!

And thus came to a close the clashof Titans
With none vanquished, but one certainly enlightened
They say, Never take your foe too lightly
For, even if they be quiet, they can be quite Sprightly!

Qissa Kursi Ka!

Dilli pe kaun raj karega?
Satta ka kaun swaad chakhega?
Satta ke galiyare aatur
Kursi ki kaun shaan banega?

Kya fir Manmohan ki hai baari?
Yaa hai Sonia ko satta pyaari?
Kya Rahul aagey aayenge?
Aur is desh ko bachayenge?

Kya ye janata chahti hai?
Nirnayakta Advani ko Bhaati hai
Kya Raj Yog ye chakh Payenge?
Yaa sapne inke dah jayenge?

Lakhnau gir chuka hai bhaiyya
Kya ab Dilli ki baari hai?
Haathi par Bharat Bhraman ko Nikli
Yeh behen Mayawati ki sawaari hai

Madras me bhi hai halchal
Aur Jayalalitha bhi hain chanchal
Kya unke sar par chadhega taj?
Kya woh karengi Dilli se Raj?

Idhar Paswan de rahein hain Chanakya ko maat
Congress, Bhajpaa se inhone toda saath?
Sarkar agli toh yehi banayenge
Chauthey Morchey ko yeh Jitvayenge?

Laloojee ka bhi hai ye naara
Sarkar banane ka irada hamara
Patna ka toh bahut sukh bhoga
Dilli toh ab Hamra hoga!!

Bangaal me bhi nayi kranti hai chayee
Vaam Dalon ko satta khoob bhayee
Manmohan se chale woh karne do do haath
Janata ka ye maangey saath!

Kaun banega Pradhan Mantri Agla?
Kya koi Yug Purush ya koi Pagla?
Kaun Janata ki kausati par khara utar payega?
Yeh bhaut jald pata chal jayega

(Boot)ilicious!

Guess what has been making news headlines these days?... Yes, You got it right!... SHOES... rather SHOE(s)... Be it the Reebok Size 10 that was hurled famously at our Home Minister, or the Shoe hurled at Naveen Jindal by a drunk school principal... Oh and yes... Mirror, Mirror on the wall... Which Shoe is the most famous of them all? Indeed, the Shoe hurled by the Iraqi Journalist at George Bush!... Of course, he violated a basic rule of Shoe-Hurling, when he chose to pitch the other shoe when the first one missed its mark, but Hell, He was merely starting a glorious tradition, they hadn't laid down the rules then!!!

Anyways, since Shoe-Hurling is expected to become a basic tenet of our democratic tradition, I propose a list of politicians who should have shoes hurled at them. Now, the main point to be borne in mind is that only those who are famous will have shoes hurled against them... So, DO NOT be surprised if politicians come begging for shoes instead of votes in the near future... Anyways, Here goes the list-


1.) VAIKO- For Suggesting that India will break up into pieces lest Sri-Lankan Army offensive against the LTTE is not halted...

2.)Priyanka Gandhi Vadra- For suggesting that Rahul Gandhi should become the Prime Minister of the country... She deserves another shoe for upholding the political supremacy of her dyansty.

3.)Varun Gandhi- For the wondrous adjectives that he has hurled at the Muslims... Even Gandhi seems a frightening name now, doesn't it?

4.)Narendra Modi- For the Gudiya-Budiya statements... Just because the Congress is 125 years old, doesn't mean that it has leaders who are centenarians...

5.)Mulayam Singh Yadav- For his progressive and futuristic manifesto... The latest that I have heard is that People have started lining up for passports en masse, And that some parents have already admitted their wards in schools in the U.K and the U.S..

6.)Mayawati- For her Chanakyaniti, Her parochial thought process, her narrow mindedness and yet her never-ending dream of ruling from 7 RCR...

7.)Jagdish Tytler- For refusing to accept reality, pleading his innocence,and determinedly pressing on with his candidature in spite of the blood on his hands...

8.)Maneka Gandhi- For trying to play the Bhartiya Maa card when Mayawati put her ladla behind the bars....

9.)L K Advani- For refusing to let go of the Hindutva Ghost and beseeching the saadhus for their blessings...

10.)Prakash Karat- For still clinging on to the GRAND HOPE of a Non-Congress, Non-BJP led government... And clinging on to the dated Communist philosophy when the world has clearly moved on...

Holy Union!

|| Jai Shree Ram||

Bhartiya Janata Party
and
Sangh Parivar

of Bharat Hindu Ramrajya

Cordially invite and request the honour of the company of

Mrs. & Mr. ______________

To grace the occasion of the Wedding ceremony of

Narendra Modi (of Gujarat Riots Fame)

With

Varun Gandhi (of Pilibhit Hate Speech Fame)

on the 15th of May 2009, shortly after the proclamation of the victory of the Hindu Nationalist Bloc in the National Elections.

We sincerely hope that you would grace the occasion with your presence and bless the couple so that they may succeed in realizing their dreams of building the Ram Temple at Ayodhya and subsequently carrying out a general massacre of the anti-Hindu Muslim and Christian communities.

We implore you to not offer expensive material goods to the couple and merely present them with bricks engraved with the words "Sri Ram" that can serve the dual purpose of acting as foundation stones for the temple as well as weapons to hurl at the enemies of the Hindu Community

R.S.V.P
Bajrang Dal
Sri Ram Sene
Shiv Sena
Vishwa Hindu Parishad
Rashtriya SwayamSewak Sangh
and others
( E-Mail ID- downwithsecularism@deathtoindia.com)

Dirty Dancing!

It is once again the time to host the 'Once in Five yearly' charade known to each and every one of us as ELECTIONS.... Being the world's largest democracy is certainly no mean feat... In order to ensure that the title is retained year after year, it is necessary to 1.) Remain as close to a democratic form of government as possible, however enticing the other alternatives may be and, 2.) Maintain a high rate of population growth so as to be certain of the "Largest" tag....

Over the years, the cost of maintaining this Facade of democracy has come attached with a very expensive price tag... Billions of rupees are pushed down the drain so that the whole 'Process' appears "Free and Fair"... Another couple of millions are diverted to 'encourage' voters to cast their vote in favor of the highest paying Candidate... And Several crores have to be siphoned off for "Pre-Election Developmental Projects", which thanks to the shortage of time couldn't be completed in the course of the five year term.

Maintaining and Running a robust democracy like India also involves a great deal of Strategic Planning... Political Parties need to decide on the feasibility of provoking violence between communities to garner votes... Or they need to make a choice between castes that get to be nominated to the Hallowed List of SC/ST on the basis of the electoral gains that would accrue... Or they need to pit states against each other, hoping that any violent backlash would ameliorate their Political Fortunes...

Oh, and We must never overlook the growth in certain sectors of the economy, thanks to Elections... One of the sectors that grows exponentially during Election time, is the Arms Sector... After all, Candidates certainly need weapons to aid the electorate's decision making process... Alcohol industries also receive a boost thanks to the demands made by the throats of a parched electorate... And then there is the need for free clothing that needs to be supplied to the electorate so that clothing (or the lack of Good attire) does not impede the turnout at polling booths...

The grand principles on which the foundation of this state was laid have sadly been laid aside... Political battles are now fought on flimsy issues such as caste, religion etc. instead of Vision and national necessities.... Gone are the days when the masses used to look up to their leaders... Today, masses long for a leader who would rescue them and this nation...There is only one way to make change possible.. VOTE for Change... VOTE for a better India... VOTE for a better tomorrow....