Curious Reservations!

It was certainly an unmatched feat as the government managed to bulldoze its opinion in the Rajya Sabha and get the 108th Amendment to the Constitution approved. One point that stands out distinctly is the fact that if the Congress & the BJP join hands, there is nothing much that the others can do... Its more or less a fait accompli... In a democracy, this kind of collusion between the governing party & the opposition parties can imply dangerous trends... But lets not discuss that... Lets discuss something about the Women's reservation bill...

I have a singular question to ask... How did the UPA/NDA arrive at the figure of 33%... I mean, I am all for reservation of seats for women in the Parliament & the state legislatures, but I don't understand why only 33% of the seats should be reserved... I presumed that since half the population of this country is made up by Womankind, of all the people, women should at least have lobbied for 50% reservation... I am sure that the sex ratio in India isn't so skewed that there exist only 1 woman for every 2 men... Thus 33% reservation is simply ridiculous...At least 50% of the seats in all Legislatures should be reserved for women...Any other figure is simply illogical and should be rejected...Why 33%?...Why not 20%?... If the argument is affirmative action, then I believe 20% reservation sends out just as good a message... Probably, the government would have had to handle much less chaos had it proposed 20% reservation...

Another point is Reservation within Reservation, which is what the Yadav Troika has been yelling out loud... They fear that the bill is discriminatory in nature as there is no protection granted to the weaker sections among women... All I can say is this... Lets have caste/creed/region/language based reservation everywhere...So assuming 10% of India is Bengali... Lets reserve 10% of the seats in the Lok Sabha for Bengali Speaking people... Of this 10%, say 20% is Muslim, so 20% Muslim quota within the Bengali Quota... Also, of the entire population of West Bengal, 10% may be non Bengalis, so reserve another 10% within the Bengali Quota for the Non Bengalis... Say 40% of Bengalis are communist... So now take that in account...And you'd end up with nothing but chaos...

The very fact that we need to reserve seats for women is extremely sad... It just implies that for 60 years, we as a nation have done everything to impede their progress... So much so, that now the government needs to step in and improve their lot... And that is a fact... Had it not been for our reluctance to take all sections of our society along in our quest for progress, we would never have needed reservations in the first place...

But surely, Kudos to the UPA and Mrs. Gandhi... They've taken a huge political gamble for the sake of fulfilling their electoral promises... Something which is rarely seen in Indian Politics...

Freedom!

Rosa Luxembourg was absolutely correct when she said Freedom is always the freedom of dissenters... I mean, what use are your rights to freedom of speech & expression, if they only serve to curb dissenting voices... Ultimately, who do these rights seek to protect??.. Is it the majority who try and impose their version of facts & beliefs.. or is it the minority who are forced to suffer in silence??... If you seek to block all contrarian ideas & ideologies under the garb of disruption to public morality & order, then what good to these rights serve??... In any state, where the government is all powerful, the freedom to speech & expression always signifies the rights of the opposition...And more often than not, the views of the opposition would be such that the government would be tempted to censure them... But it does not... Why?... Because that is where the freedom of speech & expression comes into play


Take the example of India, with its great pseudo-secular polity... We claim we hold secularism on the highest pedestal...It is perhaps even more sacrosanct than our existence as a democracy... This is the majority view... But then there are quite visible minorities that affiliate themselves with majority/minority 'so-called communlaists'... They co-exist in perfect harmony with the secularists.. If the secularists were to decide to censor all matter that they deem communal, where would these minorities go??... There is nothing worse than curbing dissent..It only pushes mionorities to the periphery and gives rise to separatism...All you can do with dissenters is to try and assimilate them...And more often than not, it is not impossible to do so and live in peaceful co-existence...

I have just purchased Lajja by Taslima Nasrin and was going thorugh an article about the author... The way she has been victimized because she holds a set of beliefs contrary to the gigantic majority is a sad testament to our own faith in the freedom of expression & speech.. Just because a set of mullahs, who incidentally might not even represent the majority of Muslims in this country, went on a rampage, the government of India forced her to leave India.. Similarly, just because M F Hussain drew something which was objectionable to the fringe elements of the Hindu community, he was booted out of this country...

Freedom is always the Freedom of dissenters...Governments at times choose to ban certain items as they may provoke anger & cause protests, but that is not for the governments to decide... Governments invariably represent the majority opinion... Only courts should decide what is harmful to public morality and suitable action can be taken...But this needs at all times to be an exception & not the rule!

My Name is Can't!

Is exactly what Bal Thakrey must be thinking right now... The old tiger sought to give Mr. Khan a good fight and what did he get in result??... Broken teeth at the very least... The failure of Shiv Sena to dissuade the masses, Marathi & Non Marathi, from indulging themselves by watching MNIK is probably the last nail in the coffin of Shiv Sena... And it is quite sad that a party which was founded on a just cause, although the means it used to attain that cause were never right, now finds itself in an unenviable place... Almost universally despised, it is now shorn of the last vestiges of support that it might have had...

Before you declare that Shiv Sena was always fighting a losing battle and that its heart was never in the right place, Consider this... Uptil almost 1960, Gujarat & Maharashtra were one state which went by the name of Bombay State... The capital of Bombay State was Bombay, a bilingual Cosmopolitan city, with Gujjus & Marathis as the 2 main communities which vied for power & influence. The Gujaratis had the money, the Marathis had the numerical superiority... Once it was decided that the Bombay state was to be partitioned into a Marathi speaking Maharashtra & a Gujarati speaking Gujarat, the issue of Bombay proved to be a contentious one... Proponents of Marathi statehood (call them Marathi nationalists if you want to) were genuinely concerned that the new state of Maharashtra would be deprived of the city of Bombay , which was to become a Union territory... For any Marathi, Bombay was the epitome of the greatness of a Marathi speaking state... Inspite of the fact that the city was what it was as a result of the efforts of almost all Indians irrespective of caste, or language, Bombay to any Marathi 'manoos' in the 60s was the heart of Maharshtra... And since then, even though a Marathi speaking state with Bombay as its capital came into existence, there has always been a section of population that feels insecure & threatened that Marathi culture & language are under attack by some mysterious evil force...

And at some level, they might not be entirely wrong... Can you imagine being in Chennai and talking in Hindi??..You'd feel socially ostracized to the point that you'd either leave that city or you'd learn Tamil in bits and pieces... Now imagine Mumbai... You wouldn't need to know Marathi to survive Mumbai... Pune, may be... But Mumbai not at all... So, it is not entirely illogical that some persons, you may judge them as bigots and separatists, feel threatened that the Mumbai, they won by sactificing their blood is again slipping out of their hands....

Which brings us to the point of the Shiv Sena... It needs to make up its mind on some points, if it is to remain politcally relevant and not be reduced to the status of a politcal irritant...

1.) What is its ideology?... It can either be Hindutva Or Marathi Nationalism... It can't be both at the same time... Shiv Sena can choose to support the 'Hindu Cause'... or it can support a 'Marathi' Cause...If it chooses the former, then Backward castes from U P should be as much relevant to it as are Marathi Brahmins in Pune...If it chooses the latter, then Muslims in Malegaon should be of as much concern to the Shiv Sena as are Hindus in Kolhapur...

2.) If political relevance is of any concern to Shiv Sena, then it must choose between what can be described as Political Conservatism and Extremism... Being Conservative would mean that they support traditional Hindu/Marathi Values... Being Extremist would imply that they would impose those values on others...

3.) And Finally, Shiv Sena needs to decide who its political Opponents are... Congress with its history of minorityism seems an obvious choice... But the BJP, which is on a similar pseudo-conservative-extremist platform has emerged as a new bete-noire... Shiv Sena can choose to ally itself to Sambhaji Brigade which is Casteist, but at least Marathi or other similar fringe elements...

Shiv Sena can choose to break windows, tables, desks... Set things on fire... Let loose thugs chanting "मराठी माणूस जागा हो !"... assault couples & lovers... or it can choose to find Political Relevance which would actually further the cause of Marathi Manoos....The choice is theirs to make!

Musically Yours!

I have lately been trying my hands at the synthesizer...I had learnt to play the Casio in School during "Music Class", but I wasn't too good at it... So, I was packed off to post-school music tuitions to ensure that I do not get a "B" in the same... My mediocre talents in music were evident everywhere... In School, I'd be made to sit in one corner of the class, away from all the "good" students, who invariably happened to be Duds when it came to studies... In the tuition class, my tutor would break his head over my voice, which had chosen to "break itself" (if that is the right expression) at that very moment... Almost 6 months of coaching later, I could play all the ragas effectively and some old classic songs that I hadn't heard ever, but which would regale the senior members of my family...But then tragedy stuck and I lost the notebook that contained all the notations and songs... Without the notebook, I was as good at playing the casio as a blind man is crossing the street... Gradually, my memory faded and the only song I can play successfully till date is Kuhu Kuhu Bole Koyaliya...!! And played it I did, Ad nauseum... Till the point that people started physically preventing me from displaying my talents... Over a period of time, the casio was confined to a corner and it stayed there for years and years...


And then, a wondrous thing happened... I got positioned in Monghyr!...The ultra-happening life in munger meant that there was usually nothing to do... Add to it the advice of scores of people... Monghyr is perfect if you want to develop your personality etc. etc... So the Casio was revived from almost certain annihilation... And currently, I do, every now and then, try and break my head over it... trying to hunt down musical notations from the internet, convert them into a system of notations that I can understand and finally play it on the keyboard...

My sole success so far has been "Ae maalik tere bande hum"... earning much ire from those who are subjected to this torture... God willing, I shall use my enormous talents in this field to inflict even more  torment and agony on innocent souls...

Agey agey dekhte hain hota hai kya!

What to do?

I am sick of people acting aghast when I say I don’t play sports…And I don’t follow sports either… And I am sick of the extended explanation that I have to give to convince people that I am not lying… I mean really, I don’t play sports coz’ I know I suck… and I really do… and I don’t follow sports coz’ if I can’t play then what is the whole point of jumping at someone else making & breaking records! And please! Don’t even give me that nationalist Gyaan that one is supposed to cheer for India when it wins a Gold Cup… And since one must cheer for India it is logical that one must also witness the event for which one is acting so cheerfully! Sorry, boss… I am not 10 anymore… And clearly… India will continue to win/ lose shamelessly irrespective of whether I cheer for her or not…. That is point 1…. The flip side of not playing/watching/taking interest in sports is that it robs me of a very vital and easy topic on which small talk can be done…. Usually the conversation that commences with the line “How pathetic was Sachin’s performance yesterday”, should proceed to how great and awesome Sachin is…. And how beautifully India batted the other day etc. etc. …. Unfortunately though, in my case, the conversation thus begun are ended by me with a “hmmm”, with moi usually looking the other way to hide my shame at the fact that I wasn’t even aware that there was a match, let alone Sachin’s abominable performance…

I am also sick of people acting aghast when I tell them that I don’t really follow Hindi movies… Yes… I have still not seen “Dil Chahta hai”… or “KNPH”… I don’t think I have seen DDLJ fully till date… And I saw Kuch Kuch Hota Hai like some 4 years after its release… But before you brand me a hopelessly pathetic person, I would just like to say the following in my defense… I have made a genuine effort to watch Hindi movies… And what have I ended up watching… for some sad reason or the other… I have been subjected to tortures such as “Rakht”… “Dev D”… “Paa” etc. Not to say that “Black” or “Rang De Basanti” were not fantastic… but they were merely exceptions to the rule… So as a result… I have re-imposed a moratorium on me watching Hindi movies… unless they are recommended by at least 4 people whose opinions matter… So,That robs me of another easy “Small-Talk”-able topic…

I am also sick of people acting aghast when I tell them that I don’t read such books as “2 states” or “5 point someone” or the likes of such books… I am also sick of disappointing them by telling them the kind of books that I read… So that is one less area where small talk can be had!

Lastly I am sick of the exasperated looks on people’s faces when there is nothing left to talk about other than the weather!!! So that a typical conversation is...

Them : Its cold today!

Me: yea... Its very cold today!

Them: It was very cold yesterday also!

Me: I think the day before was the coldest!

Them: yea... See you!

Me: Bye!

What to do? :D

Backlogs!

I feel like reminiscing about the much dreaded backlogs.. I mean, now that college is over and the degree has been "earned", it is easier to talk about Backlogs as a sort of experience that helps one "mature" and develop a "holistic" view of things... But mind it, these very backlogs were the source of much agony & heartbreak when they actually "occured"...


My hypothesis of me getting backlogs is very simple... I had nothing to do with them... They were freak accidents that could have happened to anybody...Only, they happened to me... Weight is given to this hypothesis by the simple fact that I managed to pass most of the subjects where I really dreaded getting a backlog... Take for example Econometrics... or even Economics... or for that matter Financial Management... or even OR... I only got backlogs where I felt I had performed exceedingly well (relative to my knowledge of the subject) or where I thought I'd at least be an "average"...

Case 1: Managerial Accountancy Internals was my first backlog...My first backlog in the history of my educational "career"... I was handed out a backlog when I failed to score the 0.7* average score i.e. 36 or 37... I think I scored 24.. And why, you ask?... Because I had not had a good meal for days, dreading the Man Acc paper... I avenged my hunger by eating up all 0s... So 10,00,000 magically became 10,00,00....So Cost Sheets would obviously be wrong... I made the same mistake in least 3 different questions... I remember begging the prof to somehow pass me so that "ye kalank mere charitra se dhul jaye", but he refused... So thats that... By the way, I scored very well in the Man Acc externals, implying that the fault lay not with understanding, but merely with executing... And anyways.. I turned out to be the Man Acc backlog topper... and it contributed more to my GPA than what would have been the contribution in case of just scraping through in the Internals...

Case 2: Leadership internals... I mean who flunks Leadership?... It was a paper that tested pfaffability and I am certain of my prowess in pfaffing my way through most situations... So the question is, How did I flunk?.. Basically, I was not allowed to sit for one of the evaluations, thanks to me bunking one of the Guest Lectures... Later on, when I begged to be allowed to write the missed evaluation, I was told that I'd have to pay a fine of Rs. 1000... Now, applying for backlog cost Rs 500 ... So, demonstrating the business acumen that had been gained in the last 3 semesters, it was clear that paying the fine would undoubtedly be a "lose-win" scenario, monetarily speaking... I also remember begging and stalking the professor for days at end and the way she treated me, like a stray dog, really disgusted me...And anyways, it is not always about marks... It is about principles... Why should I pay to sit for re-exam for bunking a stoopid guest lecture that was in no way related to this subject?... In any case, flunk I did... And I did re-appear for Leadership internals.. where, once more I turned out to be the topper...

Anyways...My sole 'academic achievement' in College has been topping Backlog exams.

I am yet to use a single principle of Man Acc in my life or for that matter demonstrate the traits of leadership that were identified in the course on Leadership...So, thats that!

Munger Diaries II

Now that the new year has arrived and is comfortably settled... It is time to continue with the adventures in Mungeristan....Let me begin by highlighting some points

1. The national language of Mungeristan is incomprehensible Hindi...This varies from incomprehensibility arising out of addition of Bhojpuri, or in this case Angika words... or from the utterance of hyper pure sanskritized Hindi that was last used in schooldays... Either ways, to my ears, that have gotten used to a variety of apabramhshas...both are equally unintelligible! For starters, can you understand what does a person mean, when he says " Hum achambhit hain ki aapne humey samay nahi diya (does achambhit mean happy/sad/surprised/shocked)... ye atyant durbhagyapoorn hai"... Similary, I have also been lectured on my "Daayitva" and on certain "Vidambanaas"...

2. Geographically speaking, Mungeristan is situated somewhere in the middle of the Himalayas...That is the only way to explain why it is so cold here, when, technically, it is just 400 kms from Kolkata, where, from what I hear, people are still sweating... Biting cold is made worse by super cold winds that keep blowing day in & out.... and add to it the fact that I am now Vitamin D deficient, thanks to the lack of Sunshine for the

last 2 weeks...! It is so cold, that my facebook status message has been "brr brr cold cold" at least 5 times in the last 2 weeks...I have forgotten what it means to have warm fingers and toes... and when was the last time I didn't feel revolted at the thought of having to pee and then wash hands...

3. The national weapon of Mungeristan is a gun called "kattha"... It sells en masse here... People use it for a variety of purposes... It is the most favoured weapon of the kidnapper and the murderer... It also serves the purpose of self reliance in Mungeristan... Mungeristan is the single largest consumer of Katthas produced in Mungeristan...

4. The favorite pastime of people in Mungeristan is climbing towers... They climb towers early in the day and then refuse to climb down for hours at end... Atop the tower, where mobile signals are the clearest, they talk to their beloved.... Last heard, the government of Mungeristan was planning to tax tower climbing...

5. The favorite holiday destination of the citizens of Mungeristan is the city of Mungerabad... Located in the centre of Mungeristan, Mungerabad proudly boasts of 1 legal arms factory and a million illegal ones, 2 restaurants, 81 lakh gau shaalas & 1 movie theatre...The current rage in Mungeristan is the movie "Gayi bhaisaniya paniya me"... Also doing well is the action-thriller movie "Barood"...

Oh and also... I have finally shifted to a place of my own which implies that I am, after almost 6 months of or so, no longer, living out of a suitcase... Can anything else be more delightful!!

Turn back time!

In the history of Aashay-years, this year will be known as 'The one with all the travelling'... A quick run through the year that was-

1. January

 Happy New Year 2009 while huddled around a bonfire with a group of friends on a hill overlooking the Diveagar beach

2. February

 The chuttis & the sneak preview of the Goodbye & farewell season that was soon to come

3. March

 Stupid examinations and the fear of flunking in the final semester… Actually I think I came close to that an lot of times

4. April

 Teary farewells… End of an era…Life without the college… All pervading sadness & a sense of apprehension… Kya hoga next??

5. May

And the travelling begins… First on the list: Bhopal, followed by the ultra-awesome Vaishno Devi trip where I realized that climbing up 8 kms can be less painful than riding down 8 kms on a horse… followed by the amazing trip to Sikkim & Darjeeling

6. June

 Travelling continues…Ultra-Royal welcome to ITC… 15 days of luxury at Sonar Bangla, Kolkata… Followed by the First Training Stint at Bangalore

7. July

Feeling of a work life begins to sink in… and let me be frank.. Its not very exciting… First month south of the Vindhyas..

8. August

 Work life continues to drag on… But the arrival of my cousin & his family implies entertainment galore…

9. September

Season of reviews gone horribly wrong… Both at Bangalore & Kolkata… Second stint at Kolkata

10. October

Work life isn’t all that bad… and what do you know… Cigarettes do sell like hot cakes…Trip to Vishakhapatnam & Agartala....Finally become a Phoren Return following the sneaking in of that solitary toe into Bangladesh…

11. November

Back to Munger after summers 2008… Only this time, the shock value is missing…

12. December

 Off to Kolkata and back to Munger…New Year 2010 to be welcomed in Munger!!

Paa... Maa... Tata!

Let me straight the tone of this article straight. Paa is one of the worst movies that I have ever seen... If I were ever to release a list of the worst Hindi movies ever made, Paa would far outrank, such disasters as Ghajini, DevD & even Rakht!...I think of the movie as an experiment gone horribly wrong... After all, a movie about a boy afflicted with a rare disease should have been interesting & different to watch... But No!... the directors of Paa made sure that it was another of those nonsense hindi movies that ruined an awesome concept!

I mean, look at so many Hindi movies, and that is what they do.. They come up with mind blastingly awesome concepts and then ruin them with stupid dialogues, interspersed with idiotic songs & unnecessary pelvic thrusts, known as dancing!... Remember Rock On!?.. It was an awesome idea, and the movie even had brilliant songs but the dialogues... My Gawd!!... Remember Luke Kenny's unforgettable dialogue... "Ye brain tumour mere brain ka ek hissa ban chuka hai"... I mean What the hell is that!...

Remember Ghajini's heroine ( I forget her name) and remember her stupendous theatrical skills??... Every syllable in her dialogue had a matching hand movement, lending the actress a marionette like quality...

And now Paa...

Question no. 1) What in God's name was Jaya Bacchan doing in the beginning of the movie, reading out the names of the charatcters... Did the Bacchans sign a family-pack deal?..If you want the father & the son, then the mother comes at a discounted rate ??

Question no. 2) Which bloody Indian politician has the time to cater to the tantrums of a child?.. Remember Auro refusing to go inside the rashtrapati bhawan becoz usko potty aayi thi!!!... More like the crew couldn't get a permit to shoot inside the Rashtrapati Bhawan!

Question no. 3 ) If a mother knows that her child is sick & sensitive, would she EVER send him away with a stranger to another place??... And if she did, isn't the question "aaj tumne khichdi khaai naa?" a little redundant!...

And to top it all there was the memorable dialogue about "Sperm Lending" that Vidya Balan delivers to AB jr...

All said & done, Vidya Balan looks FANTASTIC in the movie and I think that is the ONLY reason to go see Paa!

And for those, who say that paa wasn't that bad and that I am exaggerating (as usual), I would strongly recommend a movie titled "Lorenzo's Oil" starring Susan Sarandon...

I also managed to see "Rocket Singh" in the last week... It was certainly more entetaining than Paa!!

Engineers Ahoy!

Well, I have always known that I wasn't really great with my technical skills... I mean I knew that my engineering fundaes were shaky at best and only God knows how I passed those horrendous practical exams... But, there has always been the feeling that I could have managed a techincal career... Of COurse I would have to struggle...but then... ho jaata...


Anyways... Thats not the point..An acquaintance called me up yesterday enquiring about the final year project that I had "done" (so to speak) in my final year of Engineering...Now, the strange thing is , I couldn't, though I tried to recollect as hard as I could, remember the project title.It was something to do with Microprocessors... or was it Microwaves... or Micro-minis!!!... By the way, this project was the highlight of my resume till my summers...I still remember going through my final project report before summers began...Awkward, embarrassed and ashamed at the same time, I told the caller that my mind has just blanked out and that the title will come back to me & I will communicate the same... I tried thinking of the project, but my mind refused to accommodate this query.... I tried thinking hard of the group of people I had done my project with... but No... Nothing there as well...

In the meanwhile, a friend of mine called up and I asked him if he remembered the project I had done...Although, he couldn't tell me my project, I was surprised to find out that he at least remembers his... Agitated & Embarrassed at the same time, I decided it was time to regain some pride... So, I generally said that although I couldn't remember the project title, I could clearly see the circuit diagram in front of my eyes...You know... how a little showing-off never hurt anyone... Now, in an ideal world, this should have been the end of the conversation and other better thinbgs should have been brought forth for discussion... Alas!... He chose to ask me what the circuit diagram was...

Brimming with fake confidence, I repiled in my boldest voice... There was this chip in the centre.... IC-814!!!...

That is it... A loud guffaw from the other end made me realize the futility of continuing this conversation any further...All hope at regaining lost ground was lost by the utterance of those syllables.. IC-814!

The sad part is I still don't know what my project was... The good part is that I have been able to track down my team members...I probably will harangue them one of these days to remind myself of "My Project"....2 years of MBA have washed away 4 years of Engineering... And that is not to say that I remember anything that was "learnt" during 2 years of MBA!...

What was the old adage again?...

"Engineers forever"!!